Crystals for Total Dummies

crystal lattice

We'll be honest: we don't know if the intersection of scientists and (erotic) romance authors is very large. We can say, however, that we know of one such author who definitely doesn't also live in the universe of scientists: she's eHowian Regina Paul, and her "area of inexpertise" today is mineralogy. Yep, Paul attempted to explain "What are Crystals Made Of?" for Sciencing.com and, let's just say, she didn't do a particularly good job...

Paul's methodology for her post is best described as shotgun. It's as if she harvested a bunch of tangentially-related factoids about crystals, loaded them into a shotgun shell, and blasted them at the paper. That might explain why she jumps from topic to topic, never quite getting it together. In the end, she doesn't actually answer the question; just mangles her factoids. We sympathize a little, since it's a stupid question, but even stupid questions deserve good answers.

Here are some of Regina's more doofus statements:

1. "It is only when there is a crystalline shape with flat sides that are easily discernable [sic], that a mineral is actually called a crystal."
2. "Crystals are minerals that are formed into a particular shape based on their chemical composition."
3. "Most crystals were formed when the liquid rock inside the earth cooled and hardened in a process took millions of years."
4. "Ice, iodine and dry ice are also crystalline in nature. These types of crystals are made up of small molecules that hold themselves together using weak electrical forces. There is also quite a bit of space between these small molecules."
5. "Diamonds are a good example of a crystal that is made up of large molecules."
6. "Metals use the atom to form their crystalline structure."

We'll attempt to translate those statements into science (as opposed to romance?):

1. No, all mineral grains are crystals. Having "flat sides that are easily discernable" is only necessary to people who think crystals have special powers.
2. She has that backwards: minerals have set chemical composition (sometimes a range of compositions) and a specific crystal lattice.
3. No, that's most minerals: if you want the nice, flat-sided specimens the metaphysics crowd craves, those are usually formed by hydrothermal fluids and form in open spaces – vugs, voids, and veins.
4. Most of that's sort of true, though written at  a kindergarten level. Except that iodine isn't necessarily crystalline – it can be crystalline, but not necessarily, and when it is, it's not formed of "small molecules"; it's pure, elemental iodine.
5. No, Regina, diamonds are pure carbon – it's an atomic lattice, not molecular. Are you somehow conflating unit cells with molecules?
6. We suppose that's sort of true, but "metals use the atom" seems rather anthropomorphic for a scientific discussion...

Paul pretty much cribbed from one reference of questionable quality (written by an elementary-school teacher), further muddling the content by her own ignorance. What's most important is that she never actually answered the question! If that isn't the kind of writing that deserves a Dumbass of the Day award, we don't know what is...

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