Logarithms for Dummies

Anatomy of a logarithm

Let's face it: some people can toss around the bull and get away with it, while some people are exposed almost immediately. For instance, we once heard a classic "little old lady" (4'-8" tall, 73 years old) explain that she bought "pee-tight" dresses. Ummm, yeah, she probably meant "petite." Be that as it may, she wasn't trying to explain petites, she was just talking about 'em. That's radically different from eHowian Anastasia Zoldak, who pretended to be informative in the Techwalla.com post "Uses of Logarithms in Computers." The jury is out on that...

Zoldak, a "successful businesswoman," began her explanation of logarithms with the eHow.com-mandated introduction (75 to 100 words):

"Mathematicians and computer programmers use logarithmic exponents because it simplifies complex mathematical calculations. For example, 1000 = 10^3 is the same as 3 = log101000. "

Yes, fellow numerates, she did indeed say "3 = log101000"; it's in the original eHow articles all the way back to 2011! Apparently the eHow staffers did not know how to represent that statement correctly. For those interested, Anastasia (probably) attempted to transcribe "3 = log₁₀(1000)." Never mind that bit of stupidity, though, let's look at how Anastasia explains a logarithm:

"{    this space intentionally left blank    }"
That's right, folks, the sentences in her introduction, doofus as they may be, are as far as Anastasia is willing to delve into the mathematics of logarithms. She never even mentions the word "base"! Once she didn't get that out of the way, Zoldak was ready to list uses of logarithms in computers. You know, uses like

• "Computer Modeling: In computer modeling, logarithms may represent any subject we wish to compare, such as the brightness of light or earthquake intensities. When a computer measures magnitudes, it creates a logarithmic scale." – A) earthquake intensity (the "Richter" scale¹) is already logarithmic. B) Computers don't measure anything, Anastasia.
• "Computer Imaging: Logarithms used in computer imaging align pixels, organize colors and help computers manipulate photographs for enhancement, merging or comparison." – Really? "align pixels"? No, Anastasia, in a digital image the pixels comprise a simple (albeit large) grid of Cartesian coordinates.
• "Cryptology: The variable nature of the numerical key exchanges in certain logarithmic formulas allows cryptologists to develop computer security systems that restrict user access and act as a sieve barring specific security attacks." – When you try to read that bullpuckey, it's sort of like "blah, blah, blah, logarithm, blah, blah, blah...
• "Application Development: ...programing [sic] languages, such as C and C++, use logarithmic formulas to establish non-linear relationships and to define number inputs into calculations -- for example, the use of LOG10 natural logarithms for numerical input functions to the tenth power in the development of MS Windows products." – Yes, this moron did say, "LOG10 natural logarithms," which should prove to any and all that she has no idea what she's talking about...

Zoldak appears to have used the "shotgun" approach to explaining how logarithms are used: blast a way with big, important-sounding words and let the facts fall where they may. Unfortunately, to anyone who knows what logs are, knows that log10 has zip to do with natural logs, and has actually used a computer a time or two, Anastasia comes off as an innumerate, scientifically illiterate Dumbass of the Day.

¹ Seismologists don't use the Richter scale any more, but it's simpler for television talking heads to mention than the scale they do use

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