Laser Levels for Dummy DIYers

One of many laser level types

Our staffers here at the Antisocial Network keep voluminous files of freelance posts that they've flagged as potential DotD nominees. The organization of those files is more or less random, since some are grouped by the candidate's name, some by the site, some by the topic, and many are just added as they're found. Every once in a while, though, we head to the very bottom of the pile and grab something someone found months or even years ago... something like eHowian Greyson Ferguson and the HomeSteady.com post, "How to Use a Laser Level to Check a Floor Level."¹

Ferguson's an old friend, now making his tenth appearance as a dumbass in his sixth different category. Based on the content of the article, it seems likely that the former film student hadn't spent much – if any – time around laser levels or, for that matter, considering whether a floor is level. We base that guess in part on the fact that he used an image of a carpenter's spirit level to illustrate his content. He even gave picture credit for a carpenter's level!

When it comes to resources, Greyson could only find a fake Chinese website that agglomerates lots of words and a user-generated "how-to" video; both of which (based on their titles) appear to be basic user guides. In other words, nothing about the task in question; so Ferguson just made it up. Since he had never used a laser level, he did a lousy job. Consider these "instructions":

• "Press the 'On' button on the laser level and red laser emits from each end of the level.": Besides being useless, that's only true for some levels but not for all...
• "Place the laser level against one of the walls, equidistant from each of the walls perpendicular to the laser level. The lasers extend to the perpendicular connecting walls. Look at the level bubble in the middle of the level. This should be directly in the middle. If it isn't, your floor is off level.": No, you idiot, if the bubble is off-center, the level isn't horizontal – not the floor!
• "Mark off where the laser hits the opposite wall with a pencil, then measure the distance from the floor to the mark. Compare this to the opposite wall. You want this to be the same.": Now he's getting closer to the truth...
• "Repeat the process for each wall to determine what sides in the floor are not level.": We get what he's trying to say, but Greyson? Those are utter crap instructions!

Based on the critical mistake Ferguson made in describing how to set up a laser level, it's crystal clear that Greyson's familiarity with the tool extended only to what he harvested from a couple of questionable websites. He neglected to address any but the most basic "torpedo" level model, and completely overlooked the possibility that a floor could be square with the walls and still have dips and humps. It's our practice to award the Dumbass of the Day to freelancers whose combination of knowledge and research is laughably deficient. That perfectly describes Greyson's weak efforts in that particular post.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_6584025_use-level-check-floor-level.html

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