Your Very Own Workbench for Dummy Woodworkers

If you haven't seen the row of clickbait photos spread across the bottom of about 70% of the web pages you access in a day, you must not be paying attention. We mean the ones that advertise crap like, "She had no idea why they were staring," or "You won't believe what [name of celebrity] looks like now!" Of course, if you click on one, you'll find an endless string of stock photos copiously wallpapered with popups and other ads. In other words, bait and switch. You wanted to see what Markie Post or Donny Osmond looks like today, but what you got was 63 unrelated photos! Well, freelancers bait and switch, too, especially when they're basically ignorant of their topic; like HowStuffWorks.com contributor Elizabeth Abbess and her post, "How to Make a Workbench."

Yeah, right: she blasted through three pages, the first of which (supposedly) says what a workbench is, the second is "how to choose workbench plans" and the third is allegedly about the tools necessary to make a workbench.

Now we ask you: is that "How to Make a Workbench"? Hell, no, it's not: that's bait and switch! All Abbess has to say on the topic is,

"There a number of plans on the internet for many different types of workbenches... You can also pick up plans at most hardware stores."

Well, gee, thanks, Elizabeth! Whatever the case, we're here now, so let's see what Abbess has to say about the tools you'll need. Here's her list:

1. "First and foremost, you're going to need a circular saw to cut your lumber to the correct specifications..."
2. "The next tool you're going to need is a drill... While you could probably assemble a workbench with screws and a screwdriver, it would take a very long time and unless you're incredibly strong, your wrists and forearms would quickly become fatigued."
3. "Along with a drill you'll need drill bits. The size of the drill bits will depend on the size of bolts you'll be using."
4. "there are a number of smaller handheld tools you'll want to have around as well. These include a hammer, a screwdriver, a corner square, a measuring tape, a few clamps and a framing pencil."
5. "The only other thing you'll need to finish your workbench is sand paper or a belt sander."

We ran that past the shop guy for his comments. Here's what he said:

Does it have to be a circular saw? Could I use a table saw? A miter saw? A radial arm saw? All of the above? Apparently Elizabeth doesn't know that you need a drill (and bits) to drill pilot holes for your screws. Wait, what: now we're using bolts instead of screws? What is a "corner square"? a "framing pencil"? I guess she means a framing square and a carpenter's pencil, but... What she knows is what we got: nothing. Not only did Abbess not tell her readers "How to Make a Workbench," based on the ignorance displayed in her post we doubt that she could do this herself – and it's a safe bet our Dumbass of the Day has never done this project she's writing about...

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