Hill Parking for the Dummy Driver

Turn the wheels to the curb

Maybe we're picky, but when the staffers here at the Antisocial Network find themselves looking for how-to information, we tend to notice mistakes in things as simple as correct spelling. Oh, sure, we can understand someone submitting a typo in an article about meiosis and mitosis or calculating birefringence, but we're much less inclined to accept the advice of someone who thinks you stop a car with the "breaks." Someone, that is, like Julia Drake, who made that precise mistake (among others) in "Uphill & Downhill Parking Directions" at ItStillRuns.com.

Now we'll agree with Drake that, when parking on a hill, the wise driver turns the steering wheel so that the front wheels will bump into the curb if the vehicle, for some unknown reason, spontaneously begins to roll. She even got the sense of direction right (we think):

"Downhill Parking... turn your steering wheel clockwise... Uphill Parking...turn your steering wheel counterclockwise."

Although we would have been inclined to say, "facing downhill... facing uphill" since the way Julia said it is pretty darned ambiguous. What we would not have said, however, is,

"Put your gear level [sic] in  'neutral' and quickly turn your steering wheel clockwise... Let your car roll..."

Why wouldn't we say that? Well, turning the steering wheel (quickly or otherwise) while the vehicle is stationary is what is known as "dry steering." It's not terribly good for the tires, but more to the point it's hard on parts like tie rods and ball joints in the steering system; especially if your car has front-wheel drive.

Oh, yeah, and we'd never have told our readers to, "Put your gear level [sic] in 'park' and put on your emergency parking break [sic]." No, folks, we'd have said to "put the transmission selector in PARK or, if it's a manual transmission, in REVERSE, and apply the parking BRAKE." You see, we 1) know that not all vehicles have automatic transmissions, and 2) know that the word is "brake." As for that "gear level" stuff, we're simply flabbergasted. But what else do you expect out of your Dumbass of the Day?

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