Polishing Granite for Dummies

polished rocks, including some granite

It should come as no surprise that many times we award our DotD to someone who we are pretty certain misinterpreted a question or topic, usually because the writer lacks the basic knowledge to understand what some random netizen was asking about; much less write something informative. To that end, let's take a look at what Adrian Grahams wrote about the topic "How to Polish Granite Rock Yourself" for eHow.com, a post since migrated (for some unknown reason) to Hunker.com.

Given that the OQ specifically asked about "granite rock," we're pretty convinced that Grahams' assumption that the question was about countertops was a bit of a reach. Apparently Adrian didn't know anything about lapidary or other rock tumbling. Oh, well... Adrian clearly didn't have a particularly clear concept of "granite," anyway, considering that he opened with this daffynition:

"Granite is a hard, volcanic rock widely used for kitchen and bathroom countertops, fireplaces, flooring and garden ornaments." Yo, Adrian! granite is not a "volcanic rock": granite is a plutonic igneous rock. Let's put it this way: just like all women are human, but not all humans are women; all volcanic rocks are igneous but not all igneous rock are volcanic. Get it straight next time, OK? And while we're at it, not all "granite" countertops are granite; that's just what the industry calls any natural stone that isn't marble or soapstone.

Anyway, we think that polishing [a] "granite rock" entails tumbling and perhaps a great deal of use of tungsten carbide in ever-decreasing grit size. Grahams, on the other hand, thinks that all you need to do is

• Clean the surface
• Use a "non-abrasive granite polish" and buff until the "polish has vanished."
• Spray on a mixture of isopropyl alcohol and water and rub it "into the rock" until the surface is "glossy and sparkling."

Surely this bozo jests. His "references" consisted of a freelancer's semi-coherent article from the lifestyle section of ILoveIndia.com and a forum post about sealing granite tiles. Is he kidding? All this does is clean the surface and put a shine on it; not polish it. What if you have a scratch? How do you polish that?
We're not qualified to tell people how to polish "granite," and neither was Grahams when he posted this. The difference? We admit it and Adrian didn't; that's why he's the Dumbass of the Day and we're the ones giving it to him.

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