PVC Driveway Decorations for Dummies

driveway arch

We've been following the Leaf Group rewrite team from afar, often giggling at the antics of some of its members. While a few of them actually do some research to correct errors and gross stupidity, others merely assume that what was already written was correct; just rewording a bit and adding some extraneous bushwa to make the article longer. Today's nominee, Nicole or Nicky LaMarco is a prime example. Have a look at her stellar rewrite of the HomeSteady.com topic, "How to Build an Archway Over the Driveway From PVC." Tsk. Tsk.

Nicky took some rubbish originally penned by Karren Doll Tolliver, who had bastardized some homeowner's instructions for a Christmas light arch. We took a look at the original (the one Tolliver cites) and found the homeowner's instructions rather vague, but an experienced DIYer could probably figure them out. Unfortunately, neither Tolliver nor LaMarco appears to be an experienced DIYer.

The reason we say that? Well, there are lots. Let's begin with the PVC pipe size (using LaMarco's text): "Cu t [sic] 1/4 inch PVC to the width of your driveway you measured and multiply it by 1.57 for the half-circle arch." That's a rather awkward way to say that you'll need X number of feet of pipe, however, what's a great deal worse is that there is no such thing as "1/4 inch PVC"! Sure, LaMarco copied that from Tolliver, but shouldn't she have checked? The original resources (both still extant) say anything from ½" to 1" schedule 40, for whatever it's worth. Next, you're supposed to set the ends on rebar... according to Nicole (and Karren), "2 pieces of 1/4 inch rebar both 4 feet in length"

Again, no such thing: the minimum diameter of rebar is ³⁄₈ inches... Whatever. After some blather about how to bend PVC (even ¼-inch!), Lamarco tells her readers to,

"Now slide one end of the PVC pipe over the rebar on one side. Join that piece with the arched PVC pipe. Now join those two pieces with the final length of PVC and drop it down on over the rebar on the other side of the driveway."

Now just wait a minute, Nicole: you didn't mention those other pieces of PVC before now. And while we're at it, why do you have two sets of "Things You'll Need," one of which calls for "1/4 inch PVC pipe" and the other of which calls for "PVC pipe, schedule 40, ½-inch diameter": which is it? And how on EARTH is anyone going to pull this off?

"To make the structure last longer, and if you live in a windy climate, add concrete to the pipe after you put it over the rebar."

This is precisely the sort of half-witted Dumbass of the Day instructions we expect from freelancing "copywriters" who can't even remember their own names...

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