The Dummy Way to Make a Table Top

gluing a table top

Face it: the "up-cycling" people out there come up with some pretty cockamamie ideas. Just google "how to make" +pallets  if you don't believe us... That's not our discussion topic for today, though. Today, we'll take a look at how some freelancer leveraged her creative writing degree to create flaky instructions for "How to Make a Tabletop From Hardwood Floors."¹ Check out what Missy Farage tried to tell her readers at Hunker.com...

Missy was just finishing that creative writing degree when she penned this, which strongly suggests that she wasn't building furniture in her spare time and didn't have the tools she mentions, anyway. For a reference, Missy found a freelance article at DoItYourself.com (a site Demand Media would eventually blacklist) about how to build a butcher block table out of 2-by-4 stock. Regardless of its unsuitability, Farage forged ahead; generating such scintillating instructions as,

"Step 4: Slip the metal hook of a measuring tape over the end of a plank. Pull the tape to measure the length you need and make a small mark there with a pencil. Extend the pencil mark across the width of the plank with a carpenter's square... Step 5: Line up the blade of the miter saw with the pencil mark and cut the plank. Repeat steps 4 and 5 for the remaining pieces." Only a rank beginner would think that you could cut all pieces to the same length this way. A wise person would either set up a stop to cut everything to the same length, cut the pieces too long and trim the top on a table saw after assembly, or (preferably) both. When it comes to assembly, here's how Missy thinks it's done:

"Arrange your cut planks on a floor or table, placing them together width-wise. Apply wood glue to the long edges of the boards that you will glue together, then clamp the planks together with a large glue clamp."

First, WTF is a "glue clamp"? Second, just one "glue clamp?" And finally, clamping boards together like that without something to hold them in a single plane (see above) is almost certain to leave a curved surface. You need stiffeners across the bottom of the table, Missy.
We especially liked the illustration Missy chose, enhancing it with this caption:

"Make your own personalized, rustic table tops out of hardwood flooring."

The picture is of pine boards. We hate to point this out to our Dumbass of the Day (and to Leaf Group), but pine is not "hardwood flooring." Feh.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_6776123_make-table-top-hardwood-floors.html

copyright © 2019-2022 scmrak

DDIY - FURNITURE