Fossil Fuels for Dummies

Fossil fuels

The science nerds here at the Antisocial Network regularly come across rather bizarre attempts to translate science from "jargon" (words with specific meanings) to "ordinary English" (wrds u cn txt?). Part and parcel of the translation process require, unfortunately, that the freelancer doing so understand what that science-y stuff means. It's apparent that, in the case of "Elements In Fossil Fuels" at Sciencing.com, freelancer Cara Batema was in way over her head.

First things first: fossil fuels are hydrocarbons, so the only important elements in any of them (oil, natural gas, and coal) are hydrogen and carbon, hence the word "hydrocarbon." It's that simple!

Of course, Batema couldn't just jot down that 21-word answer for eHow.com, because she was required to write about 300 words in her answer. That, readers, is where Cara got into trouble: trying to reword all that science-y stuff to a) make it less science-y and b) avoid being nailed for plagiarism. In the process, however, she managed to barf up some pretty strange stuff...

"The three major forms of fossil fuels -- coal, oil and natural gas -- were formed during the Carboniferous Period..." – Let's just say that this is so nonsensical that it would take the whole article to debunk. "...organic remains of plants and animals... were converted into coal, oil or natural gas by exposure to heat and the pressure of the Earth’s crust..." – Ummm, "of the crust"? We think not. "...other elements, such as hydrogen, sulfur, nitrogen and oxygen are also components of fossil fuels..." – Hydrogen, yes; the others? Not so much; and sulfur is actually a contaminant, not a component. "The content of bituminous coal is in between anthracite and lignite." – The grade of bituminous is between lignite and anthracite, but "content"? We don't even know what that is supposed to mean.

• "Coal also has some mineral content, which is commonly quartz, pyrite, clay minerals and calcite." – No, it doesn't: it's associated with other minerals, but they're not part of coal.
• "When diatoms, sea creatures like phytoplankton, die and fall to the sea floor, they are eventually buried in sediment and rock. Under great pressure and heat, these layers of diatoms become oil or natural gas. " – Oh, great: another scientific illiterate who thinks all oil comes from diatoms!
• "Oil is mined..." – No, oil is not mined.

And there you have it; fossil fuels as envisioned by this music therapist-slash-creative writer. Wonder if anyone ever told our Dumbass of the Day that even if you are creative in your writing, you still need to get the facts correct?

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