Antique Repair, the Dummies Approach

spinning wheel

Let's say you are cleaning out Great-Grandma's shed and you come across an antique spinning wheel. Heaven only knows what she was doing with it, since the only time she ever did any needle work was removing splinters... but we digress. It might be worth something to "Antiques Road Show," but first you want to get it spiffed up a bit. You go straight to your favorite search engine and type in, "How to Restore Antique Spinning Wheels." With any luck, you'll know better than to head to the article by that title Krista Raye barfed out on eHow.com, which Leaf Group subsequently moved to HomeSteady.com.

It's pretty obvious up front that Raye had abso-friggin-lutely no idea what she was talking about: what person who is knowledgeable about spinning wheels would open by telling her readers that,

"Spinning wheels have a long history of making clothes and other fabrics. However, most people buy their clothes through stores and no longer use spinning wheels. You can always restore one if you are inclined to spin your own fabrics..." Krista, Krista, Krista: Spinning wheels don't make clothes (that's a sewing machine), nor do they make fabrics (that's the job of a loom). Spinning wheels are used to turn fibers (wool, cotton, etc.) into thread or yarn. And very few people spin their own yarn any more: these antiques are used as accent pieces in houses with colonial décor. Idjit. Let's look at how Krista proposed restoring said antique:

• "Start by surmising [sic] damages to the wheel's finish."
• "Use joint-tightening glue if the spinning wheel has a loose leg joint."
• "Look for cracks in the wood. Fill with glue and allow time to dry. Then sand..."
• "Replace the drive band by purchasing a new, adjustable one..."
• "Check for missing, rusted or jagged hooks. Purchase replacement flyer hooks from a spinning wheel manufacturer."

Besides the fact that we have no idea what it means to "surmise damage," Raye just lifted the first three steps from the suggestions at some random antiquing website. We're pretty sure that her order of steps is backward: you fill cracks, tighten joints, and then "surmise" the finish, which appears to be Krista's version of refinishing...

As for replacing the drive band, who knows: maybe you can buy a replacement, maybe you can't – but it's for sure it won't be OEM! Ditto the flyer hooks: even her reference said to have them fabricated by a metal-working shop.
This is pretty much what you can expect from a freelancing English teacher who's probably never seen a spinning wheel or, for that matter, restored an antique. For her chutzpah in attempting to give suggestions, we do hereby award to Raye the singular honor of the Dumbass of the Day.

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