Floor to Ceiling Bookcases, the Dummy Version

floor to ceiling bookshelf

The central thesis of the Antisocial Network is that, if you have even a simple question, you aren't going to get a good answer for it from someone who is as ignorant as you (or even more so). Really. Does anyone really think that some random English major knows enough about building furniture to come up with good plans for "How to Build Floor to Ceiling Bookcases"? If you do, then perhaps you deserve the sort of problems that will arise from following the instructions Alexis Lawrence published at HomeSteady.com¹, back when she used the pen name Alexis LaShea).

Lawrence, in case you didn't get it, is "a freelance writer, filmmaker and photographer with extensive experience in digital video, book publishing and graphic design." Unfortunately for whomever wanted help building that bookcase, none of that extensive experience appears to include carpentry. That may well be why Alexis' list of "things you'll need" boils down to,

• Pieces of wood 10-12 inches across and long enough reach from floor to ceiling
• Five or more shorter pieces of wood
• Saw
• Hammer
• 2 inch or longer nails

Wow: now that's specificity! What kind of wood? What kind of nails? What kind of saw? Does Lawrence even know there are different kinds of wood, nails, and saws?

We checked Alexis' sole reference, and it's a pretty safe bet that she either faked using it as a reference or read it and didn't understand. For one thing, the Popular Mechanics article she claimed to have used specifies cleats under the shelves; Alexis just says to,

"Attach the shelves to the bookcase by hammering several 2-inch nails through each side of the bookshelf and into the edges of each shelf."

Yeah, right: that's gonna hold: no glue, no cleats, just a few "2-inch nails." That, and for floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, she thinks three shelves is enough. Alexis also says that,

"If shelves are longer than two feet, you will need a vertical support to keep the shelves from sagging..."

...oh, sure. But perhaps the most obvious clue that Lawrence hasn't ever built – or even thought about building – floor-to-ceiling bookshelves is her first step:

"Measure the distance between the floor and the ceiling. Cut two boards the length of that distance. These boards will be the sides of your bookcase."

We hate to have to tell our Dumbass of the Day, but that ain't gonna work. The reason is that,in order to stand your bookcase up (assuming it doesn't collapse as you try) is that the diagonal length of the sides is greater than the measured difference. No kidding: a board 96 inches long and 10 inches wide has a diagonal of 96.6 inches...

What a maroon...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   homesteady.com/how-4868190-build-floor-ceiling-bookcases.html

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