Pumping Water for Dummies

Pumping water with a hand pump

We've noticed here (many a time) that the DMS powers that be typically allowed their freelance contributors wide latitude when it came to interpreting the "How do I"? questions they were trying to answer. If we had to be kind, we'd say that some freelancers took advantage of this latitude to come up with the simplest possible explanation for a question. If we had to be honest, we suspect that a lot of the liberal arts types couldn't conceive of an answer in the realm of STEM... much like Brenda Barron treated the question, "How to Pump Water Uphill" (found at Hunker.com, moved to SFGate.com).

Someone with command of the physics involved would say that what you have to do is somehow increase the pressure on the water (or on a column of water such as that in a pipe) so that it exceeds the force of gravity. Siphons do this, hand pumps do this with suction, and – as Barron figured out – electrical pumps do this with impellers.

Barron clearly assumed that the OQ was someone who, like her, had no idea how pumps work. That's why she opened her post by saying,

"Pumping water uphill may seem like an impossible task, but it is really quite simple. In fact, you can pump water uphill using simple tools and straight forward [sic] installation techniques."

It's instructive to note that Barron thinks pumping water seems "impossible'"; and that you only need "simple tools." Here, in all its glory, is how Brenda would perform this task:

1. Drop the end of [a] flexible hose... into... water...
2. ...attach [the hose] to the water intake portion [sic] of the pump.
3. Attach a new section of flexible hose to the output portion of the hose. [We think she meant "of the pump," but you never know with some people]
4. Plug the pump into an electrical source, and turn it on...

Yes, folks, that's how an English Lit graduate says to pump water uphill. According to our Dumbass of the Day, all you need to do is buy a pump. Feh,

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