Fossils for Utter Dummies

Marine fossils

One of the interns wandered into the staff geologist's office and, after moving piles of rock samples and old Geological Society of America Bulletins from the guest chair, handed him a slip of paper with a URL. "It looks bogus to me,: she said, "can you check it?" The grumpy old guy pulled up "How Are Fossils Used in Science?" (it's over on Sciencing.com) and flat-out howled with laughter. "Can this Mike Charmaine person really be that clueless!?" he wondered...

Charmaine (probably the first name of someone named Charmaine Mike) demonstrated some striking ignorance in "his" post. Mike, who claims to have MS (in physical therapy? is that possible?) said in his bio that he specialized in "chemistry, physics and natural science topics" at eHow. Su-u-u-ure... Well, our boy started off OK, but then, who doesn't know that,

"Fossils are the traces of an extinct animal or plant which have been preserved on [sic] materials such as rocks"?

That's more or less correct... other than that weird preposition, that is. Charmaine's problems, however, start in the next paragraphs. We'll just excerpt some of the more obvious bogosity and let Geo-Guy correct it for you. Let's begin:

1. "The Arlington Archosaur Site, in northern Texas, is one of the important fossil sites."
2. "Ediacaran fossils (approximately 630 to 540 millions years old) and Cambrian fossils (540 million years old) have led many scientists along the evolutionary path, particularly during a critical phase of the history of animal life, which is known as the Great Cambrian explosion."
3. "Fossils... help in identifying the morphological changes within an animal or plant species. Thus, the historical development of a biological group (as a race or species) can be studied."
4. "Histological Events: Fossils have been used by scientists to determine the dates of rock layers (or strata) that were laid down in succession hundreds of years ago."
5. "In paleontology, one can often determine the type of environment that a fossil organism lived in."

Our geologist's corrections and clarifications:

1. No, it's not.
2. Ediacaran fossils are known only from 575-540 million years ago. Cambrian fossils range in age from (about) 540 to 485 million years... That's not to mention that fossils are known all the way to about last year.
3. You can't identify "race" from a fossil. Except for humans, no creatures have "race."
4. WTF does histology – the study of the microscopic structure of tissues – have to do with fossils? Almost all are preserved hard parts; i.e., no tissue. Oh, and Charmaine? Are you really stupid enough to think that rock layers were laid down "hundreds of years ago"?
5. Actually, it often works the other way: similarities to living organisms suggest the environment in which a fossil animal lived.

Mike failed to mention the two most important uses of fossils: correlation of rock strata and environmental indicators. Our Dumbass of the Day also overstated the usefulness of fossils for climate studies and just plain stunk up the internet with that "histological" bullcrap.

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