Building A Rustic Mantel for Dummies

rustic mantel number

Once upon a time, every boy who entered junior high had to take a year of wood shop. Yes, it was sexist, especially since all the girls were taking something called "home economics" instead. We can't say for sure, but it seems to be a safe bet that almost no student – boy, girl, or non-binary – is taking wood shop these days. It's almost certain that eHowian Annie Wang didn't take the course when she was a middle-schooler, at least based on some parts of her HomeSteady.com post, "How to Build a Rustic Fireplace Mantel."¹

Wang's solution was to make a simple pine mantel and... for lack of a better term, "clad" it with reclaimed wood. Why she thought that's what the OQ meant by "rustic" is beyond us, but what's more important is the stupidification she visited on the internet in her post. Annie started by telling us,

"Measure the desired dimensions of your mantel shelf, and mark in painter's tape."

We looked at several Wang posts, and Annie seemed quite enamored of painter's tape. We aren't sure why... We also aren't sure why she said to "measure" instead of "lay out," but perhaps that's just us. Another Wangism popped up in the following step:

"Use a leveler to make sure you'll install the pine lumber support at exactly 180 degrees."

Use a what? and 180 degrees to what? Did she mean to use a carpenter's level to make certain the line is horizontal??? That's kinda what her Ron Hazelton reference said... Next, Wang came up with this crapalicious notion:

"Apply construction-grade, non-flammable adhesive to the the pine lumber panels if there are no studs in your wall. If there are, locate them and nail the pine lumber panels into the wall."

We have no idea why Annie thought any wall wouldn't have studs. We also have no idea what she was thinking of when she blathered about "pine panels." Wang finished off her instructions by telling her readers,

"Nail your reclaimed or distressed rustic wood panels over the pine lumber, covering its dimensions exactly."

OK, more of those "panels." That must be her version of the "beams" and "planks" that other eHow freelancers who are similarly ignorant of lumber babble about.² We also wonder why our Dumbass of the Day just said to nail the stuff up instead of try to hide the fasteners. Oh, well, that'd just make it more "rustic," wouldn't it!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   http://ehow.com/how_5002554_build-rustic-fireplace-mantel.html
² Whether "beam," "plank," or "panel"; Wang's notion of the "pine lumber support" is as follows: "Pine lumber 2 x 4 foot wood for the support"!

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