A Screened Porch for Dummies

screened porch with deck

Some of the searches that Demand Media glommed onto for their "titles" never made much sense, but we guess that's par for the course: the unedited thoughts of many people wouldn't make much sense to the people around them. Where the eHow model was always weakest was in the inability of ignorant freelancers to translate those thoughts into cogent ideas and give them an "answer." Some were worse at it than others; the former group includes Judi Light Hopson, who foisted her interpretation of "How to Build a Screen Porch in a Deck"¹ on the internet via HomeSteady.com.

Typically, Hopson provided a "reference" for her instructions that didn't include said instructions – instead, it was merely a list of screened porch ideas jammed full of advertisements and affiliate links. We read through the several hundred words Judi pounded out, and determined that they're nothing but boilerplate plans for any structure; and probably just repurposed from a blog post about building a garden shed. Chuckle.
Here's some of what Hopson said to do that gave our staffers pause:

"Make a list of materials to be purchased, which will include 2-by-6-inch cedar boards or boards made of pressure treated lumber. Create the porch to withstand rain, snow and high winds..."

We couldn't for the life of us figure out where you'd use 2-by-6 framing in a screen porch, given that it's supposed to be installed on a deck.

"Drill holes for assembling the structure with an electric drill and secure all parts of the porch framing with nuts and bolts, if the porch may need to be moved at some future point in time."

A portable screen porch? Really?

"Use stainless steel screws to secure the screen porch framework to the decking with L-shaped angle iron brackets."

This idiot was concerned about "high winds," but wanted the framing attached with angle irons?² Really?

"Use a staple gun to install sections of screening fabric... Leave at least 2 inches of border around the edges to have room to grip and adjust the screening. Fold the edges of the material under neatly and add wooden trim on top to hide the stapled seams."

What's weird about this one is that Hopson included a link to a "resource" at This Old House that states right up front that this technique for screening a porch is inferior. Doesn't our Dumbass of the Day even read the resources she wants people to use? We didn't think so...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_7315514_build-screen-porch-deck.html
² Right up there with "planks," "beams," "adjustable wrenches," and "considerations"; angle irons are a favorite foil of the clueless carpenters who wrote for eHow.

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