Marble for Dummies

Cultured marble

A staffer who once taught fifth grade patiently explained to us the other day something she calls "the reasonableness test." Her example was the salesclerk who, when handed a ten for a sale, handed back fifteen dollars in change. "Is that reasonable?" she asked. "Hell, no!" Well, more than one freelancer failed the reasonableness test when pretending to answer one of those eternal questions at ye olde eHow.com. Today, we're looking at Megan Smith and "How Does Faux Marble Differ from Real Marble?" at Hunker.com.

Back when she was Lindsay Champion (but before she was Madison Whitfield), Smith took the OQ literally. Yup, Megan's answer comprised two parts:

"Faux marble is usually created with paint techniques... Marble is a metamorphic rock made of limestone and calcite..."

The dumbassery of Smith's definition of "real" marble notwithstanding – marble isn't "made of limestone and calcite," marble used to be limestone (maybe the difference was too subtle for Megan) – her approach completely ignores the reasonableness test. Just how stupid do you have to be to not understand the difference between a painting technique and a natural rock? Rhetorical question...

If one steps back and contemplates the question for more than a few seconds, one will realize that the OQ really meant cultured marble, not faux marble. Those two are similar enough (to a layman) that the question is valid. It deserves a real answer instead what someone who is already a four-time DotD pounded out sans thought.
Smith's 10-word definition of real marble is close enough for government work (if the government is that of Ukraine). Where she blew it is in not explaining cultured marble. That's an engineered stone, once made of grains of natural marble mixed with a resin. The stuff is molded in sheets and other shapes, plus it's available in a variety of colors. It's more economical than real marble, too.

That's the answer our Dumbass of the Day should have been giving the poor schmuck, not some rubbish about painting techniques. Think reasonableness next time, Lindsay / Madison / Megan, Reasonableness!

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