Bicycle Types According to a Dummy

Some bicycle types

You would think that someone who claims his name is David Bicycle would know at least something about the machines from which he cribbed his name, but the HubPages.com contributor "David Bicycle" clearly knows very little about the topic. After all, we've already featured the guy three times in these pages, on everything from building a bicycle to how to shift one. Today's contribution contains perhaps the most damning evidence that Dave is pretty much faking it. Have a look at "The Classification of Bicycles" over at HubPages...

"Mr. Bicycle," as he apparently wants to be known, opens with a fractured introduction in which he claims that "[They] are widely classified into ten main types." Maybe, maybe not. Here are some of his more bogus or sometimes just indecipherable claims about the ten types he identifies:

1. "Normal bicycles or utility bicycles... are the bicycles normally used by public to go shopping or to school or for any normal use." — He's talking about those black 3-speeds of which there are thousands outside any European train station, the problem being that this is not a "utility" bike.
2. "Cruiser bicycles: they are similar to normal bicycles but have high safety standards." — High "safety standards"? WTF does that mean? Are the bikes used by millions of EU citizens not "safe"?
3. "Touring bicycles... are equipped with special extra fittings to carry more luggage." — There's a lot more  difference than just "extra fittings," Dave.
4. "BMX bicycles... are used to drive across the mountain..." — Say what?
5. "Racing bicycles... are similar to BMX bikes." — Nothing could be further from the truth, Dave!

6. "Messenger bicycles... are trademark bicycles of America."— We dunno: maybe he means  "fixies"?
7. "Mountain bicycles... are the most advanced bicycles available in market today. They are designed in a special way to ride uphill or downhill." — We're not convinced that they're the "most advanced" bikes you can buy, Dave. Maybe you said that because they're what your shop sells? And what's this crap about "a special way," anyway?
8. "Time trial bicycles.. are similar to racing bicycles but only difference being the usage of aerodynamic frames in the middle." — What: the frame's ends aren't aerodynamic?
9. "Recumbent bicycles: these are completely different bicycles designed to give the rider the comfort of inclining backwards." — Actually, recumbents allow you to ride in a recumbent position, i.e., seated or lying down. 

David left out several bicycle types including fatbikes; tri, hybrid, folding, gravel,¹ cargo, and tandem bikes. SO this self-appointed "expert" not only gets much of what he says wrong, he also omits several types of bikes. That's pretty much classic Dumbass of the Day-quality work.

¹ We'd be remiss if we didn't mention that fatbikes and gravel bikes didn't come along until after Mr. Bicycle wrote this in 2010...

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DD - BICYCLES