Exterior Screws for Dummies

nailing fence pickets

We had never run across one of the so-called "best way" posts in the eHow.com pantheon before, so when we found a 900-word opus at Hunker.com, we assumed it was one of their new posts from some "professional freelancer" rewording a magazine article he'd read. Lo and behold, Rich Finzer pounded out "The Best Type of Screws & Bolts for Outside Use" way back in 2010. Why does it not surprise us that he got some of it wrong? Oh, Rich...

Unlike most eHow content, which was required by the site's guidelines to be crammed into 300 to 500 words; Finzer was allowed to fill up some space. The long-ago J-school grad was equal to the task... assuming you don't mind a bunch of bogosity and some factual fudging. Take, for instance, this claim:

"For decks, wood fences or attaching wood siding, many builders use tapered head screws."

First, WTF are these "tapered head screws"?¹ and second; no, builders do not use screws for siding or fences: they use nails (though some DIYers use screws to install fence panels). There is, of course, more (there's always more). Rich also "explained" that,

"If sheets of untreated siding are being installed, galvanized screws are a good choice."

Once more, WTF are "sheets of untreated siding"? Is this Finzer's lame attempt to describe installing sheathing? Although sheathing is typically installed with nails... Rich also explains what screws to use with decking, but only treated or composite; Apparently he doesn't know what to use with redwood or cedar...

When it comes to bolts, Finzer has more... "information:"

"Lag screws, or lag bolts, are heavy-duty fasteners best used when attaching framing components such as posts, joists and headers."

We think he meant "ledgers," not "headers." And then there's,

"Lag screws have a hex head and can be driven using... a drill driver equipped with a hex bit."

With a drill driver? Not likely, unless they're pretty darned small. Plus, you don't drive lag screws "with a hex bit," you drive them with a socket. And then there's this bit of coinage:

"Slip a washer over the lag screw before driving it. As it socks up [sic], the washer..."

That's not what the verb "to sock" means, Rich. It looks as though our Dumbass of the Day has some pretty inventive ideas about screws and bolts. Too bad eHow didn't have  someone with knowledge (instead of a 40-year-old journalism degree) write this post!

¹ Rich cited his favorite boating-supply company as a "resource." Guess what: they don't list any "tapered head screws." We think he was forced by the content editor to be more "specific" than "wood screw"... but who knows?

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