Tamales for the Dummy Gringo Cook

Green corn tamales

We don't often wander into the kitchen area here at AN global headquarters, other than to make popcorn in the microwave or grab a cold one out of the fridge. That does not, however, mean that our staffers exist on frozen dinners and canned stew when they go home. Nope, some of them are quite accomplished in the kitchen – no Gordon Ramsey tantrums, but plenty of well-thought-out meals. That's why, when a staffer brought us the eHow.com post "How to Make Tamales With Prepared Polenta," we were curious. Writer Angela LaFollette, however, pretty much killed our appetite...

You see, some of us actually know how to make tamales, complete with the whole wrap-in-dried-corn-husks and steam-in-tall-pot steps. Still, we were a bit curious about how this self-described "food freelance writer and blogger" from Minnesota, by way of West Virginia (two of the smallest Hispanic populations in the country), would handle the question. The answer? She cribbed a recipe from Better Homes and Gardens" – and she didn't do a very good job of it, either.
You see, BHG's recipe is titled "open-face shrimp tamales" and, as anyone who has actually made tamales at some point in their life will tell you, tamales are 1) rarely (if ever) made with shrimp and 2) not "open-face." LaFollette, we suspect, did not know that.

Angela's problems are, unfortunately, multiple: first, the original calls for a "16 ounce tub refrigerated cooked polenta," – a product no one here has ever seen. Apparently, the food blogger hadn't either, so she rewrote her recipe for a "16-oz. refrigerated cooked polenta in tube." We guess that'll suffice... The recipe, which is about as authentic as most BHG ethnic recipes, calls for three "corn ears with husks." You're supposed to cook the corn kernels with some other stuff (tomatoes, thyme, balsamic vinegar [balsamic effin' vinegar!?!] and ¾ tsp cumin seed) while you bake slices of the polenta.

Finally, LaFollette instructs her readers to finish the job:

"Overlap two corn husks on a plate. Place two polenta slices on the corn husks, and spoon the shrimp and corn mixture into the husks. Fold the tamales like a burrito so that the mixture becomes enclosed in the corn husks. It's now ready to eat."

Wait, what? "Fold the tamales like a burrito"??? This yutz thinks you eat the corn husks used to wrap a tamal? That's not what the BHG recipe says; it's not what the accompanying picture shows; and it sure as heck isn't the way people who've actually eaten tamales remember the process, even green corn tamales!
LaFollette did a slap-dash job of cribbing a recipe for a dish she'd never made and, in the process, did a truly lousy job of answering the OQ's question. For her lack of effort, Angela has earned a Dumbass of the Day award, food division.

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