Fence Posts for Dummies

Fence post up against house

It may be just us, but freelancers whose income is based on the MSU¹ method just plain bug the bejeepers out of us. The worst are the ones who pretend that they have an answer to your question, but are just talking through their hats. Today, we feature some poor schmuck who wanted to know "How to Attach a Wood Fence to a House" and the completely crapalicious answer that eHowian Lisa Wampler gave him, an answer now enshrined at Hunker.com. Hunker, indeed...

The current version of Wampler's post doesn't include any references, but the original (at eHow.com) did: it was a link to a "This Old House" video... except that the video was titled, "How to Attach a Deck to a House." We have no doubt that Tom Silva gave Lisa some good advice: hell, she basically cribbed it!²

There was only one problem: attaching a deck to a house is not the same thing as attaching a fence to a house. In point of fact, you don't attach a fence to a house, because the expansion and contraction of the building as temperatures and humidity change would destroy the connection. Wampler, however, thought it would be just peachy because,

"If you erect a fence around your yard, you may use your house as part of the fence to minimize costs and the amount of work. To do so, you must secure a wooden fence post to the side of your house, ensuring no gaps are between the house and the fence."

Well, no, Lisa, you mustn't. You place a post immediately next to the foundation and, if necessary, run the rails into the space between wall and post. You do not:

"Drill holes into the house with the hand drill."

Oh, Lisa; TOH was telling you to mount your deck ledger on the house frame, probably the sill; not slap a 4-by-4 against the side of the house. Four randomly-placed holes, which may or may not hit a stud or other frame member, are not going to hold a fence against a wind load. And this business of a "hand drill"? What an idjit.

Lisa's method of choosing her lag screws also leaves a little to be desired:

"Place the lag bolts through the post and measure the length of the bolt that sticks out from the back of the post, using the tape measure."

Umm, we dunno: shouldn't you determine the size you need in advance? And when it comes to drilling your holes, we don't think "use a drill bit approximately half the size of the lag bolt" works particularly well.

No, our Dumbass of the Day came up with a scheme for slapping a fence post against a building that, frankly, is stupid and dangerous. Too bad this rubbish has been up since 2012, eh?

¹ MSU: making shit up.
² What's weird is that Lisa didn't cite her S. O., Charlie Silket, as a reference this time. Go figure.

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