Building a Canopy Bed for Dummies

Looks better than 2-by-4s, Danielle!

The staffers who submit a nominee for the DotD are responsible for documenting their rationale, which typically includes researching the information (or misinformation) included in the offending post. Where the freelancer in question has cited references, staffers are encouraged to verify that the information is actually in said references. That was not the case with today's nominee, Danielle Odom, and the HomeSteady.com post purporting to tell readers "How to Make a Canopy Bed in a Low Ceiling [sic] Room."

It's ambiguous whether the OQ wanted plans just for the canopy or for a canopy bed; Odom decided that the reader already had a bed and just wanted a canopy; much like the plans in the only one of her references that even mentioned making it yourself (the others were just lists of canopies for sale). Danielle's problem was that, instead of just screwing four hooks into the ceiling and draping them with gauzy fabric, she decided to make a "frame." Her frame?

"Measure the length and width the canopy will cover... Transfer the measurements onto four 2-by-4 boards, two for the length and two for the height. Cut the four pieces and sand the cut edges with a hand sander."

It's a safe bet that a frame of 2-by-4s would be overengineered for this task, not to mention that a) you'd probably want to sand more than "the cut edges," and b) it's highly likely that Odom has no idea how rough 2-by-4s usually are.

Odom's unfamiliarity with the processes involved rears its ugly head again in a couple of steps:

"Line the pieces so the ends are flush and attach them together with C-clamps [sic] at the joint..."

We hate to tell you, Danielle, but a C clamp isn't going to work (not to mention that you don't "attach" two boards with a C clamp! And when it comes time to perform the actual attachment? Odom says to,

"Attach the pieces with 3/4-inch wood screws..."

...which isn't going to hold very well, given that a ¾-inch screw will only go halfway through a 2-by-4! Odom then has her readers "attach" a pair of 2-by-4 "support pieces" crosswise before mounting the whole works to the ceiling with  eye bolts and hooks. We won't even bother mentioning that she's already lowered the "low ceiling room" by another five inches or so!

The idea that a gauze canopy would require a heavyweight wooden frame is laughable indeed. With such a lightweight load, a frame for a canopy could conceivably be constructed of small-diameter PVC or, if one is feeling rich this week, of copper pipe. Chances are either option would look a damned sight better than the clunky idea written up by our Dumbass of the Day!

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