Heated Birdbaths for Total Dummies

Heated bird bath

The boss thought not long ago that there ought to be a sign posted in the staff break room to the effect of, "If you want advice about your car, don't ask your nail technician"... or something like that. That is, after all, the principle by which our staffers comb the web looking for idiotic content to correct. With that in mind, let's take a look at the WiseGEEK.com post, "What is a Heated Bird Bath," written by someone who's probably never seen one, returning DotD S. Mithra.

Before we go any farther, everyone on our staff has seen one, since there's a heated bird bath on the deck outside said break room (see image at right). One of the kids even reviewed it for our sister blog a while back. So when we saw some of the claptrap Mithra barfed up for the GEEKs, we knew we needed to point it out.
Mithra's take on winter, birds, and birdbaths is... let's just say "Not as clear as that of someone with some experience." For starters, S. explained that,

"Most people winter [sic] their front and backyards by... emptying their bird baths of water so they don't turn into skating rinks for beetles. In fact, if the water in your... bird bath completely freezes, it could expand and damage the structure."

Two comments there: first, if the birds are gone in winter, so are beetles – cutesy or not. Second, it's pretty unlikely that ice would damage a broad, bowl-shaped birdbath because a) it's relatively shallow with a large surface area:depth ratio and b) the top is open instead of there being a confined space.

More to the point, however, here's how Mithra described a heated bird bath:

"Just like unheated bird baths, the heated kind comes in all shapes, sizes, colors, and mountings. The only difference is a ring-shaped, immersible heater coil that's powered electrically through an ordinary cord and plug. A thermometer will turn on the heater only when the water's temperature plunges below freezing, threatening to infuse the pond with ice crystals."

Our corrections?

• Bird baths don't come in "all shapes," they are all bowl-shaped.
• Heated bird baths don't have an "immersible heater" like S's tea set; the heater is built into the body.
• The word Mithra wanted isn't "thermometer," it's thermostat.
• That's not what "infuse" means. The bozo might as well have said "infect."

S. also opined that,

"The heating apparatus, including the thermometer, heater, and electrical cord, can all be removed for the rest of the year..."

Oh, so now we get it: Mithra was unaware that there is a difference between a heated bird bath and a bird bath heater. Oops: another Dumbass of the Day who didn't do his (her?) research. And a tip of the award plaque to editor L. S. Wynn, who didn't help matters!

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