Push-Button Door Locks for Dummies

Diagram of a push-button lock

The nice people at DMS¹, now known as Leaf Group, were quite happy to sell their content to any website. They were apparently particularly happy to sell it to some of the less discriminating types, which is how more than a few of our DotD awardees' bylines have ended up at places like Chron.com and LiveStrong.com. One post has apparently come full circle, starting at eHow.com and living at TheBump.com for a few years before making its way eventually to HomeSteady.com. Unfortunately, no one at any of those websites ever took a close look at what Alec Preble had to say about "How to Fix a Push-Button Doorknob."

They should have! Already a six-time winner of our not-very-prestigious award, Alec has proven to have a rather vague connection to knowledge of doors and locks. Never mind that he claims to have read his "instructions" in a Ron Hazleton book (the use of offline "references" was a classic ploy by eHow contributors to conceal the fact that they just made it up.
Preble's lack of knowledge on this particular topic is evident from the get-go. For one thing, Alec never said squat about different reasons to "fix a push-button doorknob"; including but not limited to sticking and failure to engage. The boy was apparently aware enough to realize that lubrication would probably be the key, so Alec told people to take the mechanism apart (never actually using the word "mechanism"). That's where he came up with sage directions like,

"Open the door and remove all trim screws from the knob and door edge with a Phillips screwdriver. If there are no screws on the knob trim check the trim edge for a button or flat head screw or button. "

What are these "trim screws" of which you speak, Alec? And why do you keep repeating the word "button"? Or, for those of you who've ever assembled or disassembled a door know, check this out:

"Pull the knobs away from the door. Locate a small push button on the interior of the knob and press it with the end of a screwdriver to release the button."

Those of us with a little experience know that the knobs are screwed together through the latch mechanism. Preble, however seemed to be unaware. Oh, and two more repetitions of "button"! Alec's next step is,

"Clean all the pieces of the knob with a rag, then spray them with a silicone-based lubricant. Reassemble the spring, button and doorknob."

What spring, Alec? And shouldn't your reader be cleaning the lock mechanism and the latch, not just "the pieces of the knob"? More to the point, are you not aware that the push button isn't part of the knob? Of course you're not!

Truth be told, these instructions aren't worth the electrons they're printed on; just another example of a Dumbass of the Day laughing up his sleeve for pretending to be helpful.  Feh.

¹ Demand Media Studios, owners of eHow.com: we always say, "You can't spell 'dumbass' without 'DMS'!"

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