Quick-Release Skewers for Dummies

The skewer isn't the axle, Frank, this is

As we've mentioned on several occasions, contributors to the former eHow.com were required to "introduce" their topic with 75 to 100 words, a requirement invented by the site's SERP gurus. This often led to some amusing notions written by contributors who had no idea why anyone would do whatever task they were describing. Our search staff are all aware that when you find a ridiculous introduction on a former eHow post, the rest of the content is probably not much better. Witness "How to Change the Wheel Skewers on Bicycle [sic]," a Frank Whittemore production now living at SportsRec.com (originally at eHow client LiveStrong.com).

What tipped our staffer off to Frank's ignorance of his topic was the first two sentences in his intro:

"The skewer is the axle on bicycles with quick-release wheels. As your bicycle gets older, your skewers may become worn or damaged and need replacing, or you might want to upgrade to a better set of skewers."

No, Frank, a skewer is not an axle: the axle is part of the wheel; the skewers rest within the axle. The purpose of a quick-release skewer is only to allow removal of the wheel without the use of tools. As for the "why," it's unlikely that the skewer becomes "worn"; damaged is slightly more likely, and an "upgrade" is... just a weird notion, unless perhaps you're looking for locking skewers.

In tens of thousands of road miles, the only time one of our staffers has swapped out a skewer is to use the specially-designed skewer that comes with some resistance trainers. We suppose that a skewer could be damaged in a wreck or that someone might prefer chrome to black or vice-versa, but "upgrade"? Naahhhh... Anyway, let's see if Frank reveals further ignorance...

How about this construction?

"Grasp the skewer acorn nut on one side of the axle in one hand. With your other hand, turn the quick-release lever to rotate the skewer counterclockwise and loosen the acorn nut. Unthread [sic] the acorn nut with your fingers and remove it from the skewer."

Umm, Frank? Why do you think you need to "loosen the acorn nut"? It's not like it's cranked down once the wheel is off. Oh, well, maybe you just needed the additional word count. But here's a clear boo-boo:

"Insert the skewer rod through the axle. Thread the new acorn nut onto the skewer rod until it is finger tight. Replace the bicycle wheel on the bicycle frame."

Say, Frank, did you happen to notice that there's a pair of springs on the new skewer (of course you didn't – you've never seen one off)? The springs are cone-shaped, one on each side of the frame, with the narrow ends toward the wheel. We looked, and the word "spring" doesn't appear anywhere in Frank's post. For shame...

With instructions like that, it'd be a wonder if any bicycle our Dumbass of the Day was riding didn't fall apart in the middle of his driveway.

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