Shelf Dividers for Dummies

wood shelf dividers

The drones who wrote for eHow.com back when it was a blowin' and goin' content farm were required to follow a style template drawn up by the company's SEO gurus. Every post had to start with an introduction in the range of 75-100 words, then the writer could pound out another 200-400 words of... "facts" or "instructions" (we put those words in quotes because, well, because that's why we're here). In the case of Mary Jane (real name Malene Jorgensen), that introduction hinted at the incompetence to follow in her HomeSteady.com article, "How to Build Vertical Shelf Dividers."

We knew right away that Jorgensen was talking through her hat when she opined in her intro that,

"Purchasing finished plastic or wire shelf dividers is an expensive venture and may not provide the strength that wooden shelf dividers would."

We submit that MJ's plans, such as they are, would not be economical and – to be frank – just plain wouldn't work. We also think whatever moron served as her "content editor" also deserves our scorn. Here are some of the reasons why, plucked from Malene's text:

1. "Empty the mounted shelf to which you wish to add shelf dividers. Measure the width and height of the shelf with the measuring tape." – You need to measure the depth of the shelves and the (vertical) space between them, not the "width and height".
2. "Draw the shelf dividers on the plywood sheet with a pencil... Cut out the dividers and sand the freshly cut sides." – The is here because MJ's materials list calls for a "Reciprocal saw"... yeah, like that is gonna be a good tool to use for furniture...
3. "Locate the half-inch ends along the width-length that will line up directly with the top surface of the shelf. " – WTF? Content editor, where were you with that one?

Last, but not least, here are MJ's instructions for installing this divider. Remember, it's crafted of half-inch plywood and has quarter-inch dowels projecting half an inch out of one edge:

"Place one shelf divider on the shelf, so the wooden dowels sticking out of a divider touch the surface of the shelf. Use a pencil to mark where the dowels touch the shelf, so you know where to drill holes to attach the divider. Drill half-inch holes on the shelf using the marks as guides, but avoid drilling through the shelf. Push the divider in place so the dowels attach the shelf with the divider." 

Besides the fact that this would look like utter crap – unfinished plywood scraps scattered around your shelves, there are problems: 1) it's going to be hard to wedge the "dividers" in place and 2) once they are in place, they will not, as MJ clamed in her intro, "serve as supportive [sic] book or document holders." They'll fall right over...

From looking at her references, however, we learned that our Dumbass of the Day got her dowels idea from instructions for making a tiered cake. We kid you not...

DDIY - FURNITURE