Building a Planter Box for Dummies

raised planter boxes

It seems as if it's been forever since the last time we visited Seekyt.com, but it's really only been seven months or so. Still, we wanted to remind people that not all content farms are dead. Some of them are pretty close, like Infobarrel.com – they've been promising to be back "in a couple of hours" for about a month now. But Seekyt keeps pluggin' away, although we're pretty sure they haven't added new content since some time in Spring of 2019. But that doesn't mean we can't make fun of any of their older rubbish, garbage like "How to Make a Raised Garden Box," posted by Lillian_Connors back in 2014.

While we agree (sort of) with Connors that gardening is, "oh so [sic] hip and cool," we were more than a little taken aback by some of the notions she shared when it came to the actual "how-to" of her post. Once she had gotten past the line where she suggested making your planters out of cedar, it became pretty obvious that Lillian had never actually built a raised planter. We say the because of lines like,

"...you should get enough wooden planks in the appropriate measures. What you will also need are exterior screws, for which the size depends on the scale of the box you will be making, a 10-inch compound sliding miter saw and a lithium drill."

First, we don't know what the "appropriate measures" might be: that would normally be a feature of the "how-to." Second, we don't know why you need a sliding compound miter saw; and third, we have never seen a "lithium drill." A cordless drill with a lithium-ion battery, yes, but a "lithium drill"?

When it gets to the scanty instructions, we noticed that Connors told her readers to,

"Take an 8-foot board and create 3-inch wide and 15-inch long strips."

Maybe Connors didn't know that, but we do: it's hella hard, not to mention dangerous, to rip lumber to width. From the "Lillian is confused" department, we also couldn't figure out this step:

"Cut your boards into 6-foot and 4-foot pieces, and then cut the 6-foot boards into smaller 3-foot sections... Once you have your boards cut up, lay the 6-footers next to each other..."

But Lillian, we just cut our "6-footers" into 3-foot sections. How we gonna lay 'em next to each other now? And how about the clarity of this step:

..."put the 3-foot sections up to the 6 foot sections, overlap a 15-inch section by placing it on one corner..."

With "instructions" like those, it's no wonder the editorial board unanimously approved Dumbass of the Day award for "Lillian." We have to wonder, however, is "General Contributor 'Janice'" will accept it in her stead...

DDIY - CARPENTRY