Wooden Arches for Dummies

 

Arch shapes in wood

Our staffers at the Antisocial Network long ago lost count of the times they've read through an alleged "how-to" post and mumbled to themselves, "Do these people have the slightest idea what they're talking about?" before answering "Hell, no!" and sending the post to the nominating committee. That's what happened this time: one of our staffers noticed that a self-described "lifelong expert... woodworker" didn't seem to have much experience with the tools of the trade. Without further ado, then, let's meet Tom Price by way of his OurPastimes.com post, "How to Cut an Arch in Wood."¹

When this alleged expert introduced his topic by chirping that,

"From time to time, a wood project calls for cutting an arch into a piece of wood. At first glance, cutting an arch in wood looks like it might be a complicated process, with all of the measuring and laying out of angles -- not to mention the patience it takes to make that intricate cut"...

...we knew we were in the presence of a fake. Someone who had actually cut an arch would know that no angles are involved, not to mention that the arch described by Price is far from "intricate": it's a simple semicircle. What tipped us off to his ignorance of woodworking, however, was this instruction:

"Measure half the width of the board at the top with a tape measure and mark the spot with a pencil. Do the same at the bottom of the board. Draw a straight line between the two marks, using a straight edge as a guide."

Besides the fact that we're inclined to call that measurement the length instead of the width, We also know a couple of things that Tom doesn't:

• You use a carpenter's square to draw a line across a board at right angles to the edge, not a straightedge.
• The smart woodworker lays out and cuts the curves, then cuts the board to length. 
• Who said the arch is in the center? And that it's a semicircle?

That being said, Price next regurgitated a set of instructions for some commercial bandsaw circle-cutting jig, right down to the measurements of the hole for the axial pin. He then punted on installation of the jig and on bandsaw setup, saying nothing about blade width or actually mounting the jig to the bandsaw, just,

" Install a circle-cutting jig on the band saw."

We also note that Tom seemed unaware that someone might want to cut a curve that isn't a semicircle; as well as unaware that band saws – unlike table saws – have a maximum capacity.

So what made us decide to name Price our Dumbass of the Day? It's a combination of 1) ignorance of the tools and terminology of a craft in which he claims to be "expert," 2) a failure to think through the project, and 3) an apparent inability to conceive of anything other than the case for which he accidentally found instructions that he cribbed. 

On the way out, then, we want to ask Price this question: "How do you cut an arch that's 24 inches wide and a maximum of 1½" deep in 1-by-4 stock? 'Cause the instructions you pounded out sure aren't gonna cut the arches shown in the image above!

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_8680627_cut-arch-wood.html

DDIY - WOODWORKING