Storage Bench Plans By and For Dummies

Bench with hinged lid

Some of the so-called plans for woodworking projects that eHow.com's greedsucking "contributors" foisted on the internet would be hilarious if they weren't actually (still) out there for unsuspecting wannabe DIYers to read. It never ceases to amaze us that some putz with a business degree who's never operated a power tool could pretend to be qualified to create their own plans for furniture-grade projects and get away with it. Although there were hundreds (if not thousands) of these unqualified drones, a name that we'd seen before popped up in the morning meeting recently. As a result, we're here to award B. T. Alo yet another DotD for the HomeSteady.com post optimistically titled, "How to Build a Storage Bench With a Hinged Top."

B. T., who's already proven his incompetence as a carpenter/woodworker three times, did not disappoint this time, either. From his "plywood-box" construction to his strange dimensions, Alo performed every bit as well as in the past (meaning: did a crapalicious job).

Some of Alo's more egregious screwups include,

1. Assembling his bench entirely from ¾-inch plywood with glued-and-screwed butt joints. On the other hand, a competent woodworker would use dadoes and rabbets to strengthen the joints, since plywood does not hold screws well.

Adding "two planks of 18-inch 2-by-5 lumber" to each end of the 40 x 12 x 12-inch "box" to serve as legs. Unfortunately, he doesn't explain where they go: on the front and back, or on the ends? Plus, where do you actually find "2-by-5 planks," anyway? Oh, and by the way, B. T., you can't "Secure the legs... with... screws driven through the legs into the end of the box" when using 1½-inch screws: they're the same length as that 2-inch lumber is thick! B. T. also wants you to, "Fill visible screw holes with spackle," apparently unaware that you fill nail holes in wood with wood filler, or that assembling plywood boxes with screws doesn't leave "screw holes" in the first place! And finally, Alo (as is standard for eHowians) specified a piano hinge for the bench lid, which fits flush with the front edge and has no grasping surface. That's a waste of money for something that looks this cheap, when a pair of smallish leaf hinges would suffice.

Sorry, everybody, we don't think B. T. Alo had anything to teach a wannabe woodworker when it comes to building a storage bench with a hinged top. As for how to be a Dumbass of the Day, however, our boy was clearly an expert.

DDIY - STORAGE