Faucet Removal for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCVI

Moen faucet

It's fairly rare for one of the staffers to come across a website we haven't featured before, not counting all those niche sites being populated with existing eHow, HubPages, and WiseGEEK content. Today's nominee, however, comes to us courtesy of a site we've never featured before, some place calling itself HowToDoThings.com. The website first burst on the scene back in 2001 and seems to have been busy in 2010-2013 (the heyday of content farms), but has been essentially moribund since early 2014. Yuri Anderson, whose expertise included such topics as "how to write a romance novel" and "how to play with a three-month-old baby" (he said to give the child a "rattler"), is our first-ever HowToDoer, thanks to his decidedly doofus post, "How To Remove a Moen Faucet."

It's our considered opinion that A) Anderson had no idea what he was talking about and B) he was merely trying to attract eyeballs. That second is because, in a 500-word post, Yuri managed to repeat the two-word phrase "Moen faucet" fifteen times. Keyword stuffing much?

Of course, the more important observation is A), that Yuri was utterly ignorant of his topic. We say for several reasons, not least of which is his claim that to disassemble the faucet, you start thus:

"Take out the index plate found at the center of the Moen faucet handle."

There may be cheap-ass Moen shower controls somewhere – maybe Russia, Yuri? – but none of the company's current models has a plastic "index plate" in the center of the handle; they all have solid handles held in place with a set screw. Of course, his expertise was already in doubt, because before this, Yuri had told us to,

"Turn the Moen faucet handle in a clockwise manner to turn off the water supply."

Yes, this moron was telling you to turn off the faucet that you're removing to turn off the water supply. Like that's gonna work... More hilarity ensues as you read through steps like,

• "After exposing the screw, unfasten it using the Philip [sic] screwdriver..."
• "...take out the nut surrounding the top in counterclockwise manner... Once the connectors have been successfully removed, you can then pull the Moen faucet straight up." 
• "It is important that there is someone in the household who has at least a little knowledge in fixing common household problems such as those concerning the Moen faucet. "
• "Make sure that you are aware of the storage for tools and of the quality shops where you can purchase the necessary items."

Use pliers? Is this moron kidding? And more to the point, what is he even removing: the spout? To what end? Here's a hint from the first 'graph:

"Moen faucets are very durable, but with constant wearing and tearing due to frequent use, leaks can also occur. Leaks take place when the O-ring found at the cartridge’s base distorts or breaks."

We think, besides Yuri's unfamiliarity with the phrase "wear and tear," our boy had also confused the cartridge with the faucet body. Hard to say, though, since there are O-rings at  multiple locations in the faucet body.

Whatever the case, Anderson did a crapalicious job of telling someone who to remove the faucet; since all our Dumbass of the Day did was tell people how to take out the cartridge. If you want to actually remove the faucet, people, you have to disconnect the faucet from the supply lines and unscrew it from the underside of the sink counter... 

...and that's not what Yuri said to do.

DDIY - PLUMBING