Vertical Louvered Fences for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXVI

louver spacing in fence

When the nice people at Leaf Group ported much of the historical eHow.com content to new niches, they often failed to transfer such "frills" as materials lists and references. That's a shame, because – if the "contributor" wasn't simply faking it (which they often were) – it was possible to backtrack to a reference that didn't include the dumbassery inherent in some freelancer's utter ignorance of the topic of the psot. Speaking of ignorance, however, let's get to today's nominee: multiple award-winner Michael Straessle is back, trying to explain to Hunker.com readers "How to Build a Vertical Louvered Privacy Fence."

From the instructions Straessle included, it's fairly clear that, somewhere¹, he found an actual set of instructions written by someone who knows how to build fences. Unfortunately, neither of the references Mike cited contains those instructions, although for twenty bucks his readers could buy relevant plans. 

What we do know is that Straessle has a long and unimpressive history of ignorance when it comes to anything involving carpentry, construction, power tools, or lumber. For this particular project, he did it again.

Straessle's uncited source consisted of plans for making louvered panels that you mount between posts. Or, as Mike said it, louvered fences...

"...require top and bottom horizontal lumber to which the vertical pieces are secured."

Uh yeah, Mike, that's how all picket fences are installed – or didn't you know that? Anyway, Straessle's plans called for a frame of 1-by-6s ripped to 4-¹¹⁄₁₆ inches wide. In order to set the louvers at the proper angle, you cut a 45-degree miter on some of the ripped stock:

"Set the electric miter saw at a 45-degree angle. Cut one of the pieces from Step 1 on a 45-degree angle from the corner out."

Mike's confusing construction notwithstanding, that makes an isosceles triangle with 45-degree angles on the legs, which you will then use as a template to set the first louver in a panel. Once you've set the louver (Mike says to use "1 1/4-inch deck screws" but we think aluminum nails are a better choice), you need a spacer for subsequent louvers. This is where Mike's unfamiliarity with lumber, construction, and geometry comes into play. For that spacer, Straessle says to,

"Place the 1-by-2-by-8-inch lumber on its edge and against the secured louver. Set another louver against it and secure it through the bottom piece with the 1 1/4-inch deck screws. Repeat this until the panels are made..."

We pulled out a ruler and a pencil and performed a mockup of this spacing. In case you, like Straessle, are unclear on the dimensions of lumber, a 1-by-2 (no matter the length) is only ¾" thick. Placing it "on edge" as Straessle says to do, would create a fence in which the louvers are just ¾ inch apart and thus overlap by about three-quarters of their length; a massive waste of lumber. Placing the 1-by-2 flat would result in an overlap of about half the width of the pickets, still overkill. That's not to mention that a) the panels would cost a small fortune and b) a 8-by-6-foot panel would weigh more than 100 pounds. Not... ideal.

A spacer 3" wide would yield zero overlap, so figure that a 1-by-3 (2½" wide) would be a good starting point. you would, of course, have to adjust the spacing to allow for even spacing of the pickets along the length of the panel (something Michael glossed over).

We note with some interest that Straessle, still quoting his source verbatim, said to,  "Secure the panels to the posts through the frame with the 1 1/4-inch deck screws." Not a good idea, since a deck screw that long would only penetrate the post by half an inch. Again, aluminum nails, preferably 2½" long or longer. What is the upshot? We have some guy with a BA in "technical writing" plagiarizing a woman whose sole bona fides seem to be that she, "[Has] experience researching and creating a wide range of home improvement and garden projects." So now you know why Straessle is collecting his eighth Dumbass of the Day award. We only wish we could find "Fiye" to hand her one as well.

¹ We couldn't help but notice that the steps, indeed, the words are exactly the same (including dimensions) as those in a DoItYourself.com post from two years prior to Straessle's "effort." Unfortunately, "Fiye Ward" didn't include her references, either...

DDIY - FENCES