A Floating Mantel for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCXXXII

floating mantel

Some of the most bizarre project instructions we've run across in our web searches can be chalked up to "creative writing" graduates who insist on attempting to adapt perfectly good plans for one project to something that is wildly different. It gets even worse when some such freelancer pretends to have gotten instructions from a source that clearly doesn't address the topic in question. We found returning DotD Katherine Barrington committing the sin of woodworking dumbassery when she posted the eHow.com content called, "How to Build a Floating Fireplace Mantel."¹

Barrington came to the staff's attention a few years ago when when we found her pretending to know how to make cabinets from MDF, a pretense that won her her first award. This time around, she pretended to adapt instructions for a floating shelf, but may have in reality attempted to concoct a plan from reading installation instructions for a commercial mantel. Whichever it was, she did a lousy job. Here are some of her more... interesting ideas:

"Use a circular saw to cut a piece of 1-by-2-inch hardwood to... length... This piece of wood serves as the breastplate for your floating mantel... Position the breastplate so its 3-inch side is flush with the wall..."

It's gonna be hard to find the 3-inch side of a 1-by-2! Or how about this rubbish:

"Hold the 1-by-2-inch board flat against the wall in the same position as before and drive 3-inch masonry screws through the predrilled holes into the mortar joints between the bricks."

We note with some trepidation that neither Katherine's list of tools nor her instructions include the word "level." She also has some problems with elementary arithmetic:

"Cut three pieces of 1-by-6-inch hardwood to the length of your breastplate using a circular saw. These boards serve as the top and bottom for your mantel form."

How do the "top and bottom" comprise three boards? Barrington also falls victim to a typical misconception, thinking that 1-inch lumber (even hardwood) is a full inch thick. Note to KB: it ain't, it's ¾ inches thick. After building a "form" with 1-by-6 top and bottom and 1-by-4 sides, she then instructs her readers to,

"Fit the mantel form you just completed over the breastplate you attached to the wall earlier. The open side of the mantel form should fit snugly over the 1-by-2-inch hardwood breastplate. Secure the mantel frame by driving 2-inch wood screws through the top, bottom and sides of the form into the breastplate."

Hint: it won't fit snugly, since a 1-by-2 in 1½ inches wide and the open space in the "form" is 2 inches wide. Finishing seems a little unclear as well, with Katherine telling people to,

"Fill all screw and nail holes with wood filler..."

Unless you've countersunk the screws, there are no "screw holes."

Last, but certainly not least, a mantel's breastplate isn't the wall mount, it's a decorative plank located below the shelf that makes a mantel. 

A floating shelf made with the real plans would probably be useful. It's possible that adapting the original plans to crafting a mantel might yield something serviceable, perhaps even attractive if corrections were made to the measurements. We suspect that a similar plan using a French cleat would, however, be much more secure than what our Dumbass of the Day pounded out.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_12168487_build-floating-fireplace-mantel.html

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