Building a Submarine for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLXVII

 

Yes, Civita, people do build homemade subs

Are you familiar with the concept of bait-and-switch? Let's say an unscrupulous vendor advertises widgets for $3.99 but, when you get to the store, there are none at that price. All that's available are widgets that cost twice as much. Bait and switch is, essentially, promising something but delivering something else that is either inferior or more costly. Today's DotD nominee is a case of inferior quality. eHowian Ezmeralda Lee (aka Civita Dyer) took on the topic "How to Build Your Own Submarine" for Sciencing.com, and delivered something wildly different... not to mention scientifically illiterate.

Now we don't know about you, but if someone asked us how to build a submarine, we'd expect a rather lengthy discussion of crafting a submersible boat. We have, in fact, seen a homemade submarine, so they're out there. It's a safe bet that Ezmeralda wasn't involved in the project, however.

This is the same English BA who'd already contributed to the stupidification of the internet at least seven times; and she's back to completely rewrite the submarine-building handbook. Instead of even rudimentary plans or instructions for a submersible. Lee attempted instead go explain how subs use buoyancy to position themselves in the water column. Unfortunately, Ez's grasp of the science involved was... tenuous:

"You’ll be able to prove that it is possible to alter the buoyant reaction of air in water."

Right there we knew that Lee was utterly ignorant of the physics involved... "the buoyant reaction of air in water"? WTF! Moving right along, Civita/Ezmeralda wanted her victims to test a bunch of condiment packets for buoyancy and then stick one in a 2-liter plastic bottle of water. According to this paragon of scientific wisdom, you will,

"Test the law of buoyancy by squeezing the sides of the bottle gently with your open hand."

Wait, what? this is "How to build a submarine"? No, Ezmeralda, this is how to perform the experiment known as "ketchup commander." And now, dear readers, you know what the term "bait and switch" means, thanks to our Dumbass of the Day. What's worse is that this scientifically illiterate couldn't even explain why the experiment works!

SI - PHYSICS