Primer Bulbs for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLII

Where's that "hose," Steve

Although most people in our society operate internal combustion engines on a daily or near-daily basis, the vast majority of them have no clue about how the things work. Enough of us do, however, to keep most of the engines working when we need them. eHow.com contributor Steve Smith, however, is not among the cognoscenti when the subject is IC engines, despite having a BA in journalism (which supposedly makes one an expert on any topic). We base our analysis on Steve's woefully inept attempt to explain "How a Small Engine Primer Works" for ItStillRuns.com.

Since the question begins with the word "How," we naturally expected Smith to explain the physical basis of the operation of a primer bulb. It's quite simple: pressing and releasing the bulb creates suction in the fuel line – a tiny, weak vacuum, in fact – that pulls fuel out of the tank and forces it into the carburetor. You cannot explain the "how" without using either the word "suction" or "vacuum"... well, not unless you're Smith and you're writing for eHow.

No, Steve regaled his readers with an erroneous description of a primer bulb:

"A small engine primer is a bulb of plastic with a hose running through it..."

...before going on to explain how you operate said bulb. Never mind that the bulb does not have a "hose running through it" because if it did, it wouldn't work by suction. Of course, this is the mental midget whose explanation for why small engines have primer bulbs in the first place is that,

"Small engines do not have fuel injection systems like larger cars [sic]."

Idiot: small engines use carburetors (as do many older-model cars and trucks), but the "missing" parts of the system are fuel pumps, not "fuel injection"!

When it comes to operation of the primer bulb, Smith's description fell flat on its face again:

"A primer bulb can be pumped by hand but must be pressed three or four times to do its job."

We're curious, Steve: if not "pumped by hand," how does one operate a primer bulb?

It's clear that Smith had little or no knowledge of how small engines work, so he had to parrot information he didn't understand. When freelancers like Steve try to do that and fail, it's our practice to award them the singular honor of a Dumbass of the Day. In Steve's case, it's not singular, though, because this is the fourth time he's been the recipient.

SE - SMALL ENGINES