A Secret Wall Compartment for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCLVIII

According to the founder of our site, his father-in-law – a carpenter and general handyman by trade – was infamous for stashing valuables and weapons in the walls of his house. According to his wife, there's a better than even chance that there are still forgotten hidden compartments with cash and guns in houses where he used to live: he was that good. On the other hand, it wouldn't take much looking at all to find the "hidden" compartment laid out by David Secor in his SFGate.com post, "How to Make a Secret Wall Compartment."¹ That's what you get for asking a self-described "computer repairman and writer" instead of someone who knows how...

Secor, in his infinite wisdom, decided that all he had to do was peruse a website called "Details on Conventional Wood Framing" and then run with it. His problem, as far as we can see, is that he had no idea of what he was talking about.

Oh, sure, David got a basic fact of framing right (thanks to the American Wood Council):

"...studs are usually 16 inches apart, measured from center to center. This will leave a 14 ½-inch space between the studs in which to build your compartment."

It's Secor's subsequent steps that gave away his ignorance. First, he spent about a third of the text explaining how to mark a rectangle on the wall, including the confusing instruction to,

"Use a level to make a vertical line that is plumb between the top and bottom marks on each side, aligned with the marks for the edges of the studs."

Inquiring minds want to know, "Why? You've already marked the inner edges of the studs!" Dave further instructed his readers to,

"Cut two of the 3-inch wide boards to 13 ½ inches long... Screw through the longer pieces into the shorter ones, forming a rectangle that is 14 ½ inches wide."

No, Dave, unless you bought some special boards, you just created a rectangle that is 15 inches wide.² Moving right along, Secor said to use a another "board" (his specs say 16 inches wide) as a "door," this is "attached" with hinges. Given that the hole in the wall is only 14½ inches wide, that ain't gonna work. 

And finally, according to Secor, all you have to do is screw the frame into the studs, paint everything the color of the drywall, close the door, and you have your "secret wall compartment." Well, it's a secret as long as you, "Choose a spot where the work will be hidden by a piece of furniture or a painting or tapestry." Secor apparently didn't give any thought to finishing the raw edges of the drywall he'd cut or to making the so-called secret compartment less conspicuous. Color us unimpressed by the lack of knowledge and skill in evidence from the work of our Dumbass of the Day. We suspect that if he'd had the slightest idea what he was talking about, he'd have sent people to the shop for an access panel cover, which would have disguised his crappy work... but noooo.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   homeguides.sfgate.com/make-secret-wall-compartment-101463.html

² The original text, as found using the Wayback machine at archive.org, specified half-inch "boards." Unfortunately, Secor seemed to think you could assemble the "box" with half-inch screws... Ain't gonna work, Dave!

DDIY - WALLS