Wednesday, February 2, 2022

Security Screen Door Installation for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCV

security screen door
security screen door

In the early days of eHow.com, the site's freelancers did not need to cite a source for the "information" they vomited out onto the page. Once consumers caught on, however, the site began requiring "references," which over time evolved into "reputable references." Today's nominee falls somewhere in the middle of that evolution. In the HomeSteady.com post "Gibraltar Steel Security Screen Door Installation" contributor Charmayne Smith cited what, based on the website name, appears to have been authoritative. Closer inspection, however, reveals that her resource was merely a blog post written by another freelancer. Can you say, "the blind leading the blind"?

Way back in 2010, "Carol" wrote a blog post at FamilyHomeSecurity.com (now defunct), an early "niche" website. Charmayne found said post and shamelessly mined it for information. Well and good except that upon reading the post, it was 1) generalized (not about Gibraltar brand security doors) and 2) based on... well, who knows what, except that Carol clearly had exactly the same experience as Charmayne: zero.

Smith, nonetheless, vomited out her bushwa and even expanded on Carol's version of the post. We were tipped off to her ignorance, however, early on when Charmayne informed us that,
"The doors also include one-way installation screws which allow users to only remove the door from the inside."
We fell about the place laughing at this: security screws, AKA tamperproof screws, can be installed with a regular screwdriver but can only be removed with a special tool. It has zip to do with "from the inside"! Charmayne also regaled us with such prose as,
"Measure your door opening and compare the measurements to those of your Gibraltar steel security screen door’s measurements to ensure that you have the proper size door before beginning installation."
We think you should have measured before ordering the door, ourselves! Or how about,
"Gather the metal Z-bar hinges that attach the door to the home. There are usually three hinges but larger doors often come with four hinges."
That sure sounds like Charmayne thought those "Z-bar hinges" were... well, maybe some sort of special hinge like on the bathroom door, only more secure. In fact, the Z-bar is part of the frame that surrounds the door. One side has hinges and the other side has the latch. The security screws hold the Z-bars to the brick molding around the door frame. 

Charmayne harvested this sentence almost verbatim from Carol:
"Drive the screws straight into each hole with even pressure to ensure a secure fit. "
It's always so cute when someone who's never screwed anything to anything attempts to explain the process! 

And there you have it: our Dumbass of the Day (for the third time) basing how-to instructions for a task she's never carried out herself on a set of instructions written by another freelancer who... had never done it either. And here you wondered why Charmayne was being honored...

DDIY - SECURITY

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