Major Landforms for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLVI

Most agree mountains are a major landform

We suspect that they never thought so, but in our opinion one of the major flaws of the eHow.com business model was an inability to understand the sources of all those questions their stable of freelancers (allegedly) answered. Take the question, "What Are the Seven Major Landforms?" that nominee Andrea Askins glommed onto back in 2011 for AZCentral.com: it's fairly obvious that some middle-schooler was trying to answer a question about a specific region, such as "What are the seven major landforms in North America?" We say that because no authoritative source lists seven major landforms, only four (mountain, plain, plateau, hill). Askins got those, but she had to stretch the definition of "landform" beyond the breaking point to get the other three...

Speaking of definitions, Andrea got a tad sloppy with hers in the introduction, where she chirped that,

"Landforms are natural-made [sic] formations on the earth’s surface that often form the borders between countries, states or provinces."

The dumbassery of "natural-made" notwithstanding, we know of no plains, plateaus, or hills that "form... borders" anywhere. Mountain ranges, sort of, but the others? Naaahhhh. Then again, Andrea seemed to have a rather loose association with common sense, as illustrated by her ensuing claim that "bodies of water" includes "waterfalls." Let's take a look at some of Askins' other assertions that illustrate a high level of bogosity.

• "Plains... are characterized by relatively flat stretches of land that lie less than 500 feet above sea level. " – We have no idea where this dumbass came up with the "500 feet" number, but we immediately thought of two examples that disprove her "rule": the Great Plains of North America and the Altiplano of South America. Sheesh. 
• "Plains... generally border a seacoast..." – Apparently, Andrea extracted that "information" from the phrase "coastal plain."
• "Plateaus are characterized by high elevations, arid climates and are generally bordered on at least one side by bluffs." – Yes to "[relatively] high elevations," No to "arid climates," and Bullshit! to "bordered on at least one side by bluffs." Aridity is not a definitive attribute of a plateau, and we have no idea where the "bluffs" bit came from, unless Askins was thinking of the bluffs on the west bank of the Mississippi River.
• "Mountains are the least habitable land formation and are characterized as having an elevation of more than 2,000 feet." – A) weird notion and B) that "2,000 feet" business is, again, bullshit. And while we're at it, Andrea needed to learn the difference between "elevation" and "relief."
• "...hills are classified as having an elevation between 500 to 2,000 feet and have a climate that is cooler than plains but warmer than mountains..." – Bullshit to both claims. Although hikers ("hillwalkers") in the UK have some sort of classification scheme, the actual difference between a hill and a mountain is subjective. As for climate? Again, no idea where this dumbass came up with that claim.

Once she got the four actual landforms out of the way, Askins was forced to come up with three others to meet the OQ's specs. Her first nominee, valleys, is arguably a type of landform, but the other two? Well, we'll let you see for yourself:

• "Glaciers are large, moving masses of ice..." – A glacier is NOT a landform. Period. Oh, and whatever Leaf Group moron barfed up the caption "Glacier floating in ocean" for a photo of an iceberg should be sent back to fifth grade for remedial earth science.
• "Loess is a deposit of sediment that is formed during the climate warming in an area after a glacier passes through. While it is primarily made up of silt, the mineral most found in loess deposits is quartz." – So many words, so many of them wrong. Suffice it to say that loess is not a landform. Oh, and that crap about silt and quartz? What dumbassery...

To be clear, Askins managed to come up with a list of the four most important landforms, but when it came to adding in three more to meet some seventh-grader's homework assignment, our Dumbass of the Day blew it. Big time. Not only did Andrea get two of her nominees wildly, stupidly wrong; she also managed to get at least half of the factoids she trotted out wrong. Feh.

Trust us, we'll be watching for more of her rubbish in the future.

SI - GEOGRAPHY