Linen Closet Construction for Dodos - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIX

linen closet shelves

Not long ago one of the staffers was wandering the nearly abandoned halls of the original eHow.com (most of the content has been farmed out, uncorrected, to a bunch of incapped niche sites with names like HomeSteady, ItStillRuns, and SportsRec) and she ran across a post with a familiar byline. Well aware that eHow.com contributor Nichole Liandi rarely rose above freelance hack if her topic was any sort of do-it-yourself project, our staffer read through the content and added it to the nomination list. Without further ado, let's see what sort of mess Nichole managed to make of the assignment "How to Build Shelving in a Linen Closet."

Liandi's alleged references have been excised from the bottom of the post, but we found the list with the Wayback Machine. Somehow, we doubt that she actually read either Carpentry for Dummies or Home Storage Projects before jotting down her supposed instructions. Had she used real, live references like she claimed, she might have noticed her... problems. And let us tell you, her problems are many.

First things first, Nichole wanted her readers to lay out the shelf positions. According to her, this entails using a pencil tick to mark the desired height of the shelves, after which one should,

"Place a yardstick parallel to the floor at the bottom edge of each mark... Place a level against the yardstick... and draw a level line across the back wall of the closet, terminating the line at the side walls."

What's all this "yardstick" bull? Clearly, Nichole didn't know how to use a carpenter's level. Next, Liandi demonstrated that she didn't know how walls are framed:

"Place [10-inch 1-by-4 strips] on the side walls of the closet, with the top edge even with the lines you've drawn. Level each strip, and screw it into the wall with wood screws."

Assuming you've already used a level to draw the lines on the wall, you don't really need to "Level each strip" – we suppose, though, that's a version of "measure twice, cut once." Where Nichole truly screwed up is in not directing her readers to screw the ledgers (that's what those "strips" are) into studs you've located with a handy-dandy stud finder, otherwise the shelves are gonna collapse under their own weight. And finally, Nichole seemed confused about how deep your shelves should be:

"...cut three 1-by-10-inch boards to match the distance. These will be your shelves... Lay the boards across the closet so their ends rest on the 1-by-4-inch strips. Nail the boards together with finishing nails." A 1-by-10 is 9¼ inches wide, far too shallow for a linen closet. Those shelves are rarely less than 18 inches deep. And of course, like most eHow contributors, Liandi seemed unfamiliar with the real-life measurements of dimensional lumber.  Our staffer had, not long ago, build linen closet shelves of her own using wire shelves that allow for airflow inside the closet. She used 20-inch shelving and, we think it works just great - and, unlike shelves that follow the plans our Dumbass of the Day posted, her shelves are securely mounted on the studs instead of "screwed to the wall."

DDIY - SHELVES