Reasonableness Tests for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXXXII

Waffle-weave blanket

Are you familiar with the "reasonableness test" concept? It's simple: before you provide an answer to a question or perform a task, ask yourself, "Is my response reasonable?" You could save yourself some embarrassment. For instance, you're making change at your garage sale and someone pays for that six-dollar bicycle with a crisp new ten-dollar bill. Is it reasonable to give them a ten-dollar bill in change? a twenty? Of COURSE not! Well, we don't think MrsBrown performed a reasonableness test before she dashed off a review of a cotton blanket at Kohls.com. 

Crawl-Space Storm Shelters Designed by Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXXXI

This is a storm shelter, Jennifer

Over the years of compiling this space, we've seen some pretty cockamamie ideas spring from the minds of greedy freelancers. It's bad enough when someone who doesn't know one end of a screwdriver from the other tries to teach people how to tune up a two-cycle engine or someone who lives in a college dorm "explains" how to build a deck, but when ignorant writers put people in danger? That's crossing a line. The line was crossed back in 2011 when eHow.com's Jennifer Dermody tried to tell the world "How to Build a Storm Shelter in a Crawl Space." That the powers that be at Leaf Group (the erstwhile Demand Media) have left this rubbish visible for over a decade speaks to the reason why eHow is the punchline of a search-engine joke.

Linen Closet Construction for Dodos - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIX

linen closet shelves

Not long ago one of the staffers was wandering the nearly abandoned halls of the original eHow.com (most of the content has been farmed out, uncorrected, to a bunch of incapped niche sites with names like HomeSteady, ItStillRuns, and SportsRec) and she ran across a post with a familiar byline. Well aware that eHow.com contributor Nichole Liandi rarely rose above freelance hack if her topic was any sort of do-it-yourself project, our staffer read through the content and added it to the nomination list. Without further ado, let's see what sort of mess Nichole managed to make of the assignment "How to Build Shelving in a Linen Closet."

Rock Deformation for Moonlighting Chemists - The Freelance Files MMCCLXVIII

Extreme example of ductile deformation

It's not unusual – common, even – to find a freelancer who has made a valiant attempt to transcribe¹ useful information that could conceivably be seen as tangentially related to said freelancer's area of expertise. Then again, many of them seem to have a rather loose definition of "tangentially related." One such writer is Madhu, of DifferenceBetween.com; here making her fourth appearance on the DotD podium. Madhu claims to be a chemistry student, but also appears to be the site's self-appointed geology expert based on her previous appearances in the categories of mineralogy and sedimentary petrology. Today, our madhu scientist returns to regale us on structural geology and tectonics with her post, "Difference Between Ductile and Brittle Deformation."

Relief Wells for the Ignorant - The Freelance Files MMCCLXVII

Using a relief well to kill a blowout

Way back in 2010, when the BP Macondo well blew out – what the average person remembers as the Deepwater Horizon "well" – many a TV talking head brought up the topic of a relief well. The underwater gusher was temporarily capped after almost three months, but it was another two months before a relief well could be completed 2½ miles below the surface. In the meantime, many a self-appointed "expert" explained the notion of a relief well to the world, including WiseGEEK.com's Jeremy Laukkonen warbling about the topic in his post "What Is a Relief Well?" (now at niche site AboutMechanics.com, for some bizarre reason). Jeremy's take on the topic is, to be sure, about what you'd expect from a sometime auto mechanic and real estate broker turned freelancer...

Box Steps for the Incompetent Carpenter - The Freelance Files MMCCLXVI

Framing Box Steps

Hi again: it's been a while since we've taken to the 'net to flog greedy freelancers for their ignorance of their topics. Yet here we are again, this time giving the literary equivalent of the golf clap to yet another eHowian, one making his second appearance on the pages. Please give a... well, not warm but, tepid?... welcome to the pride of HomeSteady.com, Rick Paulas, this time gifting his attempt to explain "How to Build Box Steps" on the internet. Sadly, the one-time telecommunications major's knowledge of box steps is about the same as his knowledge of sprinkler systems – slim to none.

Crude Oil vs Oil Shale for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXV

Oil Shale Extraction

Know this up front: here at AN, we have great respect for those who operate professionally in a language they did not learn from the cradle. On the other hand, we find it incomprehensible that someone would pretend expertise in any discipline while operating in a second (or third) language. That is, unfortunately, often the case with the people who write/wrote for DifferenceBetween.com; an allegedly Australian site populated by south Asian freelancers like "Admin" (apparently "Olivia Dawson," probably a pseudonym). Here's admin's half-witted attempt to explain the "Difference Between Shale oil and Crude oil."

Sedimentary Rocks for Dummy Physicists - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIV

pretty sedimentary rocks

We forget just where we were when we saw the link; but someone, somewhere cited byjus.com as an "authority" on sedimentary rocks. We couldn't pass that one up, at least not after we'd taken a look at the text of an article simply entitled "Sedimentary Rocks" (and filed under "physics"). A little research showed us that Byju's is a massive Indian online learning company with thousands of employees, which renders is impossible to name the actual author of the content. Consequently, we'll just assign authorship to byju.

Repointing Masonry for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXIII

repointing stone

Like many homeowners in the era of YouTube tutorials, our staffers often research DIY home repairs before deciding to call in a professional. Unlike many of their neighbors, the majority of the folks who write for the Antisocial Network aren't afraid to tackle simple- or intermediate-level projects – which leaves out roofing and remodeling an entire kitchen. One of them recently looked into repointing some brickwork and, is their wont, decided to check on the topic at the mother lode of misinformation, eHow.com. As expected, the topic had been discussed, and by a familiar name. Let's see whether HomeSteady.com writer G. K. Bayne knew what she was talking about in "How to Repoint a Stone Fireplace." Here's a hint: based on her three previous appearances, we rather doubted it...

The Mohs Hardness Scale for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXII

talc (left) and gypsum (right)

Few occurrences are more frustrating for our scientifically competent staffers than witnessing a scientifically illiterate liberal arts graduate pretend to explain something in the reader's wheelhouse but botching the explanation... badly. Sadly, that's pretty much the business model of the website formerly known as eHow.com, at least the portion that now lives in Sciencing.com.¹ For your consideration today, we offer an example of such work: J-school grad Christina Martinez and her unsuccessful attempt to share "How to Tell the Difference Between Talc & Gypsum."

Flush Beams for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLXI

flush beam in ceiling

Watching a freelancer who barely knows the difference between a hammer and a screwdriver attempt to explain framing carpentry is something like watching a slow-moving train wreck. We find that we just cannot look away, no matter how bizarre and/or useless the content. We've seen a lot of that useless content, as you can tell from the "framing" and "framing carpentry" entries on our topic list. Today's nominee adds yet another line to the list: meet "communications" grad Isabel Prontes and her misguided attempt to answer the question "What Is a Flush Beam?" for HomeSteady.com.

Oil Fields for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLX

This ain't no desert, Jason

One of the staffers "quiet quit" the petroleum industry a few years ago (before everyone on the planet decided to switch jobs, for what it's worth), but still retains all the basic knowledge necessary to fact-check some of the rubbish our DotD nominees have pumped out over the years. Given the average person's ignorance of the petroleum  industry, it's no surprise that misconceptions and misinformation are the rule rather than the exception; which is why she's rarely surprised by freelancer dumbassery about the oil business. Once in a while, though... and today's one of those days. Back to take another bite of the oil biz apple, once again demonstrating complete ignorance of the industry, is Jason C. Chavis. This time he's answering (NOT!) the eternal question "What is an Oil Field?" for the WiseGEEK.com niche site AboutMechanics.com.

Hunting Dinosaur Fossils for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIX

Dinosaur fossil (Mesozioc, Wyoming)

One of the more irritating habits of the freelancers who plied their "trade" at eHow.com and its many niche sites was a pair of diametrically opposite tendencies: either they turned simple questions complex or they turned complex questions simple. Being ignorant of the answer is, at least to us, no excuse; for eHow it was just "minimum word count" plus "SEO" equals cash. Sadly, some of eHow's (now Leaf Group's) freelancers are still at it: witness marine biologist and small dog trainer Marina Somma attempting to answer the question, "In Which States Are Dinosaur Fossils Found?" for Sciencing.com (with her usual little help from biologist Sylvie Tremblay). It's a rewrite of a 2011 post by Craig Colin Smith...

Water Supply Lines for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLVIII

faucet water lines

The business model of the cluster of niche sites formerly known as eHow.com was deceptively simple: collect questions asked of search engines by random English-speaking (or approximately so) knowledge seekers and send them to a stable of freelancers to answer them. We say deceptively simple because, well, the sad fact is that the freelancers often knew even less about their topics than the people who asked the question in the first place. Take, for instance, today's nominee. Like many a contributor to the mother lode of misinformation, Christopher John was a J-school grad; a career choice that apparently did not lend itself well to answering questions like "How to Replace Kitchen Faucet Water Lines That Don't Reach" (now living at niche site HomeSteady.com).

Image Resolution for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLVII

Out of focus does not mean low-resolution

As the adage has long told us, "'Close' only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades." That's pretty much true everywhere and when it comes to imparting information, it's spot on. When you ask someone for a definition, you don't want "close": you want "correct." Although many of our nominees receive an award because their work is just plain rubbish, sometimes they get "close." Sadly, that still doesn't cut it. Such is the case of Nicolette Calhoun, who tried valiantly to transfer some technology in the OurPastimes.com post "What Is Considered a Low-Resolution Image?" Well, she got close... sort of.

Major Landforms for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLVI

Most agree mountains are a major landform

We suspect that they never thought so, but in our opinion one of the major flaws of the eHow.com business model was an inability to understand the sources of all those questions their stable of freelancers (allegedly) answered. Take the question, "What Are the Seven Major Landforms?" that nominee Andrea Askins glommed onto back in 2011 for AZCentral.com: it's fairly obvious that some middle-schooler was trying to answer a question about a specific region, such as "What are the seven major landforms in North America?" We say that because no authoritative source lists seven major landforms, only four (mountain, plain, plateau, hill). Askins got those, but she had to stretch the definition of "landform" beyond the breaking point to get the other three...

Small Decks for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLV

a small deck

One of the staffers was reviewing an old list of potential nominees we'd found at the mother lode of misinformation (eHow.com and its niche sites) when she ran across a strangely specific question that a previous awardee had "answered" for the site. In skimming the content, she realized that the author of the content, Steve Sloane, had two problems: first, he didn't understand the original question and second, he had no idea "How to Build an 8' X 4' Deck" – no matter how many words he pounded out (or more likely, reworded) for HomeSteady.com.

Horizontal Drilling for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIV

horizontal drilling

Staffers at the Antisocial Network realized years ago that some freelancers are just plain shameless. A case in point is one of the more frequent contributors to WiseGEEK.com, who we have determined is neither wise nor a geek. Partially due to her claimed educational qualifications but mostly to her obvious unfamiliarity with her subjects, she's become our "go-away-from" contributor at the site and its niches; with a back-list of crapola that rivals such greats as Joan Whetzel (eHow, HubPages) and Lacy Enderson (eHow). Here, making her sixteenth appearance at the awardee's podium, is Mary McMahon and her AboutMechanics.com post, "What is Horizontal Drilling?"

Laminate Countertops for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIII

flush trim bit for laminate

It's not unusual for our staffers to find freelancers who seem skilled at rewording information that is utterly foreign to them. It's not unusual for one of them to be puttering along nicely in some eHow.com instructions, and then suddenly go off the rails. One of the most common causes of this phenomenon appears to be a failed attempt to marry information from two different sources. That's how we caught today's nominee, Claudia Henning, who parlayed an "Associate of Science degree in physics/math" into a job as freelancer for HomeSteady.com, where she shared her (lack of) expertise in "How to Replace Laminate Countertop."

Lengthening a Door for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIII

hollow core door construction

We know how much people like to take polls, so here's a quick, two-choice poll for you, dear reader. If you need someone to tell you "How to Lengthen a Wood Door," whose instructions are you more likely to trust:

1. A carpenter or general handyperson
2. A "professional business copywriter, journalist and photographer"

If your answer is number 2, then the rubbish that returning DotD Jenn Starr pounded out for eHow.com is right up your alley, and all you need do is follow that link. If you aren't sure, read on and we'll tell you why that wouldn't be a good idea.