Tightening a Screw for DIY Dummies

The Torx: neither Phillips nor slotted

No matter how simple (some might say "stupid") the question, you can pretty much bet that some penny-hungry freelancer, somewhere, has managed to post an online answer to it; even something as dirt simple as how one might change a light bulb. Yep, these are people who believe, with near-religious fervor, the misquote attributed to H. L. Mencken: "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American Public."* You know they're out there: why else would freelancer Chris Simon have posted to eHow.com the completely moronic "How to Tighten Screws"? Or perhaps a better question should be, just why on earth would Simon think that there is someone out there (above the age of four) who doesn't know how to use a screwdriver? Because he wanted his ten or fifteen bucks from eHow, that's why...

When Dummies Have Gardening Advice

An "apple garden," according to mr

Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! We just ran across another pay-per-view website to mine for dumbasses. It's called Elite Visitors, and seems to be where all the Bubblers have gone now that Bubblews.com has throttled their payments [Editor's note: EliteVisitors is just as gone as Bubblews now: No loss...]. And just like Bubblews, it's an absolute treasure trove of Dumbasses. The only problem is finding anything that has enough information in it to be wrong – most of what's posted there is, like Bubblews, just random garbage. We did find this little morsel, however, kindly provided by an elitist who simply calls himself (herself?) "mr" - a piece of dreck writing entitled "Choosing a Garden That is Perfect for You."¹

mr tells us there are three types of gardens: flower, vegetable, and fruit. Huh? There's such a thing as a "fruit garden"? Lemme see: 14 million google hits on "flower garden," 10 million on "vegetable garden," and only about half a million on "fruit garden." There must be a gazillion on "orchard," though...

So here's what mr says about these fruit gardens: