Prisms, Refraction, and Dummies

Prism separating light colors

Many greedy self-appointed freelance writers flocked to eHow in the early days, driven by a desire for quick cash without much work. The worst of them gleefully reworded or otherwise mangled primary sources as they "answered" – we use that word loosely – a variety of questions harvested from the internet. Some claimed stronger qualifications than others, so it's most disheartening when we happen upon utter bullshit published on the site by someone with training in the field (it has happened, though). Today's DotD candidate is just that: J. T. Barett (aka John Papiewski?) says he has a B. S. in physics on his eHow.com profile, but there was precious little evidence of such training in the content he posted to Sciencing.com called "How do Prisms Work?"

Barett started off with an off-topic statement:

Replacing Accord Water Pumps for Dummy Mechanics

Yup, it's simple to get to, Heather...

Some of the staff at the Antisocial Network remember the days before emission controls on cars, back when an average guy could drive a car under a shade tree and give it a tuneup or even perform minor maintenance, like replacing a water pump. That's not gonna happen any more, not unless you own a classic car, anyway. That's why most people don't even  to their own basic maintenance any more, much less the "hard stuff." Of course, most of us will google the problem in hopes that it's so easy we can solve it with a butter knife and a pair of pliers – and when that happens, the drones at eHow.com are there to "help." Help, like Heather Heinzer did in an article that was supposed to tell people "How to Replace the Water Pump on a 1992 Honda Accord."¹

Bicycle Tires for Dummy Cyclists

Bent ("tacoed") bike rim

The world is full of earnest strivers, people who work hard for their money and want it to go as far as it can. So we can understand the quandary of the newbie cyclist who's just discovered how much replacing a road bike tire costs. Unlike Discount Tire, your local bike shop doesn't sell road hazard insurance and no manufacturer anywhere offers a mileage guarantee. So we understand why that newbie who just shelled out $90 for a pair of Gator DuraSkins (ignoring a name that sounds like a condom) would want to know "Expected Mileage on Road Bike Tires"¹: we get that. What we don't get is expecting a good answer from the likes of Elle Di Jensen (or asking at a place like ModernMom.com).

Jensen... Di Jensen?² claims to be a "fitness professional." We know what that means, though: an aerobics or yoga instructor, perhaps one of those "personal trainers" at LA Fitness who misinform people about diet while trying to make everyone look like The Rock. Whether Elle has ridden a bicycle since she turned sixteen (or more likely thirteen) is, however, questionable. We say that based on some of the crap in her introductory paragraph:

Speedometer Problems for Dummy Mechanics

Speedometer (center) and tachometer (left)

During our weekly Antisocial Network staff meeting (via GoToMeeting, of course) the research team like to share the most recent content they've read from the department of "so stupid I can't believe it!" Some of their finds really are unbelievable, though a great deal of the dumbassery arises from the deliberate use of poor-quality content spinning software (what our founder used to call "amokking in a thesaurus"). Some of it, however, is just plain stupidity; greedy freelancers writing about anything they can Google, and getting it wrong. Wrong, we tell you, like the bullshit seven-time DotD winner Andrea Stein barfed out of her keyboard and onto the pages of eHow.com in a little ditty entitled "GMC Envoy Speedometer Problems" (now at ItStillRuns.com).

Wiring a Chandelier for the Dummy Electrician

Swag-style chandelier

One of our staff here at the Antisocial Network was once a contributor to eHow.com, which is how we know the secrets behind what goes on within the cloistered halls of the web's most undependable source of advice and how-to articles. He... or is it she? explains that some of the more unscrupulous writers would grab a bunch of similar "titles" and then write all of them from the same set of references. Of course, if the contributor had no idea what he or she was talking about, it shouldn't be a surprise that the content is all worthless. Take, for instance, articles about electrical wiring written by history major Nichole Liandi. Take them, please! including "How to Install a Plug in a Chandelier"¹ (note: Nichole also cobbled together "How to Hard Wire a Chandelier", with almost exactly the same instructions).

Building Your Own Bicycle for Dummies

Parts needed to build a bicycle

We love finding idiotic internet DIY posts here at the Antisocial Network. In fact, we've collected links to a lot of the more moronic sets of "instructions" – and we use that word loosely – at a Pinterest page we call "Don't Do It Yourself." Most of the stupidity enshrined there falls under carpentry projects and home or car repair, but every once in a while we find something from another field that's stupid enough to add. That's the case today, as we feature the one and only David Bicycle (not a person's real name, we're almost certain, though it might be subliminal advertising for some LBS in Taipei) who condensed the manufacture and assembly of the modern bicycle into a mere 500 words or so to post "Great Step By Step Instructions To Build a Bicycle" for the wise and wonderful HubPages.com.

Routing Keyhole Slots for the Dummy Woodworker

Keyholes and a T-slot cut with the keyhole bit shown

Most people seem to comprehend the use of the most common power tool; i.e., the cordless drill/driver. At least the research crew at the Antisocial Network have caught only a few freelancers botching instructions for using one. As you move up the complexity scale in power tools, however – to jig saw, circular saw, etc. – you run into fewer and fewer of the journalism and political science majrs familiar enough with the tool to write about it. Routers, it seems, are unfamiliar enough to most money-grubbing freelancers that they have to look them up: aren't they something to do with the internet? Today's DotD award goes to one Victor Fonseca, a PolySci major who was way out of his depth when he tried to tell readers "How to Use a Keyhole Bit in a Router"¹ at HomeSteady.com. Fonseca isn't the first eHowian confused by the concept of a keyhole bit, and probably won't be the last...