Routers for the Dummy Power Tool User

Router terminology

The first power tool most wannabe DIYers buy is almost always a drill/driver, which these days is likely to be cordless. A lot of folks never buy another power tool. but those who do typically go for a saw next; usually a jigsaw, perhaps followed by a circular saw or even a power miter box. Unless you plan on building things instead of making household repairs, you probably won't pick up a router. If you do build things such as furniture, shelves, and the like; a router is darned near essential (for the record, there are two in the wood shop at Antisocial Network HQ). Because it's not something you find on the shelf at every home, a lot of people don't know how to use one – some people still aren't clear on what a router does! Not knowing the difference between a collet and an ethernet port doesn't mean some ignorant freelancers don't "educate" their readers about routers; including ignorant ones like Heather Vecchioni of Catalogs.com, whom we found pretending to know "How Do I Use a Router"...

Clearly, Vecchioni looked it up: she cites Family Handyman's "Router Basics,"which was written by someone who, unlike Heather, actually could pick a router out of a lineup of power tools. In other words, she reworded something by an authoritative source, in the process making crap up and generally demonstrating her ignorance. You know, saying stuff like,

"Using the router power tool to add style to your otherwise boring edges is quite easy." Oh, we get it now: the purpose of a router is to add style to edges – but Vecchioni never actually defines what she means by "style": roundover? ogee? bead? bevel? chamfer? Instead of mentioning profiles or bit shapes, all Heather has to say is "A router is pretty much useless unless you have a collection of bits for various projects. Choosing the correct bit is of the utmost importance. Smaller bits work best for faster rpms, and larger bits are better for slower speeds."

While we'll grant that a router's "pretty much useless" without bits, we're pretty darned sure that you don't select them on the basis of speed: you select a bit profile on the basis of the job you'll be doing. The one bit Heather mentions is the rabbeting bit, which she prettily says will

"...cut rabbet grooves into the back of cabinets and bookcases to allow you to slide in pieces of plywood through the back..." A rather tortured bit of prose there, at least for those who know what a rabbet is... but those who have cut a rabbet or two in their lifetimes (unlike Vecchioni) will laugh like idiots at her instructions for doing so: "Select a rabbet bit that will cut your wood the same thickness as the plywood for easy insertion. Adjust the depth of the router so that it will produce a 1/2-inch cut. Set it to cut counter-clockwise, then place it on the wood. Use one pass to create the edge and you'll be set."

What's wrong with this bull? Lots of things, including...

1. You don't "cut your wood the same thickness as the plywood," you cut the rabbet to the proper depth. Moron.
2. What dimension is this "1/2-inch cut," one might wonder. depth? width? and what if the workpiece is only half an inch thick? Dumbass.
3. Routers and router bits only turn one direction (clockwise), so you can't "[set your router] to cut counter-clockwise": instead, you move it along the edge counter-clockwise or left to right -- that's what the reference Heather misquoted meant.
4. Even though just one paragraph ago she said "you'll need to make three passes, going deeper each time," Vecchioni now instructs her readers to "Use one pass to create the edge..."-- so what is it about her instructions that give us pause?

We think clueless holders of English BAs like Heather should have never been allowed to post bullshit like this online, because her ignorance is not only useless, letting someone with no experience write about a power tool with a razor-sharp blade spinning at 10,000 RPM is downright dangerous. That's why Vecchioni's today's recipient of the Dumbass of the Day.

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