Pony Walls for Dummy Remodelers

pony wall with cap

It's been a while since our staffers looked over the oeuvre of one of the most prolific of our DotDs, so just out of curiosity we sent an intern in search of internet dumbassery from the keyboard of homeschooling mama Naima Manal. It never takes much searching to find something the woman had written that would make her eligible for yet another award; this time it's the rather oddly titled "How to Turn a Full Wall Into a Half Wall," originally posted at eHow.com and more recently moved to Hunker.com during the Leaf Group niche-apalooza.

We'll grant that DMS never changed titles except sometimes to correct spelling (though not always), but one would at least think that our sixteen-time winner would have mentioned that the half wall is also known as a "pony wall," but no: the word "pony" appears nowhere in the text. Neither does "horse," for that matter... But hey: she's already proven she knows nothing about construction on multiple occasions.

Moving right along, Manal (with the apparent assistance of a less-inept website) explained how to carry this off. Clearly, however, Naima lacked the necessary construction knowledge, since she told people to

"Select a wall that is non-load bearing and without immovable electricity or plumbing."

Chuckle: "immovable"... as if any builder wanted mobile plumbing... not to mention that the change is quite possible for a load-bearing wall if a competent person (read: not Naima) installs a properly-sized header beam and support columns. But anyway, Manal would have her readers...

"[Draw a] line across the wall... at the desired height of the half wall. Mark 3 inches down from [the desired height]; first measure 2 inches down... and then another 1 inch for the sheetrock that will top the half wall. This will leave ¼ inch difference between the actual wall and the desired height that may not be noticed at all..." which we think makes no sense at all, because a 2-by-4 is 1½" thick, not to mention that drywall isn't an inch thick, and why not measure the exact height to begin with anyway? Idiot "Draw a level line at this measurement to mark the cut line, and cut through the existing wall materials with a reciprocating saw..." Which line? You just drew two! Remove the upper part of the wall and dispose of debris. "Measure the width of the top of the half wall. Transfer this measurement to a two-by-four stud." A) it isn't a stud if it isn't in the wall, and B, you already know that the exposed surface is wider than a 2-by-4, since it's a 2-by-4 with drywall on both sides! Oh, wait: you wanted them to measure the length!

Naima then went on to tell us to enclose the stud (which, at this point, is properly a top plate) in drywall -- instead of putting a decorative cap on it. She went into great detail about corner beads, the proper (according to her) sizes of screws, etc., finishing up with

"Smooth joint compound over the edges, sides, seams and top – applying paper tape to the seams and smooth with spackling and feather knives to yield a finished look..."

...but we don't think she was finished. Why? 1) it takes a lot more than just smoothing the joint compound with knives to "get a finished look," 2) what about painting? and -- most important -- 3) what are you supposed to do with the hole in the ceiling? Idiot!

Nope, not an idiot, a dumbass: once again, a Dumbass of the Day. Lord have mercy, we sure hope she doesn't practice on her house...

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