Laminate Countertops for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCLIII

flush trim bit for laminate

It's not unusual for our staffers to find freelancers who seem skilled at rewording information that is utterly foreign to them. It's not unusual for one of them to be puttering along nicely in some eHow.com instructions, and then suddenly go off the rails. One of the most common causes of this phenomenon appears to be a failed attempt to marry information from two different sources. That's how we caught today's nominee, Claudia Henning, who parlayed an "Associate of Science degree in physics/math" into a job as freelancer for HomeSteady.com, where she shared her (lack of) expertise in "How to Replace Laminate Countertop."

Estimating Countertop Prices for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMCCXLV

Sink cutouts in quartz countertops

We vaguely remember a college professor – it might have been in English Composition 101 – who opined that when someone responds to a query by saying, "That's a good question..." you aren't likely to get a good answer. That was, however, before people started verbing nouns and littering their language with "biz-speak." Whatever the case, we are firmly of the belief that when one is asked a question, one should a) give the best answer possible or b) admit to ignorance. Sadly, neither is the custom of some freelancers; especially those who are paid to "answer" questions for content farms. Take, for example, Leaf Group cleanup team member Rachelle Dragani and her attempt to tell people "How to Estimate the Cost of Quartz Countertops" for Hunker.com.

Cabinet Cost Estimation for Dummies - The Freelance Files MMXCIX

Cabinet estimation

We run across all sorts of strange notions as we patrol the internet looking for people to greedy to bother to think through their content. Most of the time this happens because the freelancer in question knows nothing, or next to nothing, about the topic in question. We think that's what happened with today's nominee, returning awardee Stephanie Mitchell. Mitchell apparently suffered a lapse in logic (that, or a lacuna in knowledge) as she wandered through the topic she'd picked out at eHow.com, "How to Calculate The Cost of Kitchen Cabinets."

Garage Door Headers for Dummies

Temporary wall

Over the years we've often seen references to a site calling itself DoItYourself.com, but have spent precious little time actually browsing there. That all ended not long ago when we found some clueless English major from eHow.com who cited one of the posts in a how-to article about plumbing, a post that – to be frank – was the equal of anything we ever saw at eHow for utter bullshit. We entered a single search term, "headers," and back came a chunk of unmitigated garbage called "How to Replace a Garage Door Header" by someone calling herself Jen S.

Homemade Templates for Dummies

cabinet hardware template

If you read through eHow.com content in its original form, before it was niched, you might notice that the contributors writing about DIY jobs often cited print books as the sources for their "work." If, however, you read through the freelancers' posts, you'll quickly realize that no professional would ever write up the instructions you find there, so you're left with two options: either the freelancers did a really bad job of rewording, or they made everything up and just claimed to have found it in a book. We're inclined to believe the second of John Walker and his eHow post, "How to Make a Template for Cabinet Pulls."

Paneling Over Plaster for Dummies

Furring strips 16 inches on center

When we heard one of the staffers laughing uncontrollably not long ago, we were all pretty certain she'd come across something published by one of the utterly clueless among our DotD nominees. Sure enough, she had found someone who said, "Some people like to use paneling on plaster because paneling lasts longer." We kid you not... and then we noticed the byline: one of our least trusted DotDs, one-time eHow.com contributor Marissa Wilson. The occasion this time was Marissa's HomeSteady.com post, "How to Install Paneling on Plaster."

Doors and Door Swing for the Complete Dummy

Door stop molding (arrow)

Every once in a while, some poor staffer gets stuck checking a slug of the past nominees for dead links. Sometimes a site is just plain gone, and sometimes the site remains but the post is gone. The latter is especially true of a couple of the niche sites into which Leaf Group poured old eHow.com content. When they delete one post, however, Leaf (usually) redirects the link to "related" content. The problem? When your content comes from the mother lode of misinformation, the new destination may be no more useful than the old. That happened recently, when a staffer was redirected to a Kevin McDermott post at HomeSteady.com: feast your eyes on "How to Rehang an Interior Door That Swings the Wrong Way."

Your Own Screened Porch for Dummies

screen porch conversion

The intern stuck with checking the back list for dead links turned up one the other day, a Judi Light Hopson HomeSteady.com post about putting a screened porch on your deck. The original post may be dead (it deserves it), but the nice people at Leaf Group were kind enough to redirect the link to a post titled, "How to Change a Porch to a Screened-in Porch,"¹ written by none other than... Judi Light Hopson. We weren't surprised to learn that this post isn't much better...

The Kitchen Soffit for Dummies

Kitchen soffit

We don't know about you, but it always seems suspicious to us when we run across freelancers who tell us to do something that they don't understand well enough to name. You know, like someone who tells you to "turn the doohickey" or "remove the thingamabob"? That works all right, we guess, when the speaker can point to the gizmo in question, but written instructions? We expect better. That's why Jagg Xaxx, he of the disturbingly fake pen name, is picking up his fifth award for the eHow.com post "How to Cover the Gap Between Wall Cabinets & the Ceiling."

New Shower Heads the Dummy Way

using a wrench on a shower head

It's been a while since we stopped by the former WhoWhatWhenWhereWhyHow... or whatever the name was before it became Catalogs.com and started shilling for... well, for catalogs. Not that they exist any more. Where were we? Oh, yeah, it's been a while. That's why we pulled the list of candidates from the site out of storage and plucked an article by Julie Henry at random. Julie was trying to tell people about "Changing a Shower Head," and got a tad off track.

Twin Shower Heads for Dummies

double shower head

You know you're probably in the wrong place when you fins instructions for a plumbing project and the author included "references" and "resources" that had nothing to do with plumbing, right? Right... Well, that's exactly what happened when one of the staffers did some research on an eHow.com post by Jennifer Ratliff. Jen's citations for "How to Add a Second Shower Head" included a blog post on replacing shower heads and a vendor site on choosing the right shower head. Unfortunately, there wasn't anything about plumbing...

An Attic Scuttle for the Dummy DIYer

attic scuttle

We've heard of a coal scuttle before, but the term "attic scuttle" was a new one on us. Apparently, it was new to eHowian Kenneth Crawford, too... Whatever the case, a scuttle is just what we'd always called an attic access and other people called an attic hatch. Crawford clearly had to look it up, and in the process kinda blew it. Read what he had to say in the HomeSteady.com post, "How to Frame an Attic Scuttle."

Cedar Flooring for Another Dummy

Cedar vs. pine

We don't know about you, but it has always seemed to us that if you want to correct misinformation, the best thing to do is ask someone who knows the facts. Sadly, that's not always the case in the Leaf Group universe. No, it seems that whoever assigns rewrite projects to their "cleanup team" is still under the impression that having a journalism degree means you can write knowledgeably about any topic. Well, Kimberley McGee certainly put paid to that impression with her Hunker.com rewrite of "Can You Put Knotty Cedar Planking Down for Flooring?"

Sewer Line Remodeling for the Dummy Plumber

PVC wye in soil stack

Among the more irritating features of eHow.com's contributors back in the day was an inability to think through the problems they pretended to address. Today's DotD nominee, despite his BA in Philosophy and his work for a now-defunct charitable foundation, clearly knew jack about plumbing. That's especially true when it came to remodeling existing plumbing. That's probably why when David Young took on the assignment, "How to Connect PVC to a Cast Iron Soil Stack" for HomeSteady.com, it quickly became apparent that he had no idea what he was talking about.

Hanging Cabinets for Dummies

Cabinet screws

After more then 1600 DotD nominations, some of the names our staffers turn up for the morning meeting look familiar. Then again, some of them look familiar because we just featured that particular dummy a few days earlier. Thanks to Leaf Group's "follow-on" program, though, a staffer came across a particularly stupid post by someone we'd featured just a couple of days ago. She's Cadence Johansen, back to pretend she knows "How to Mount Kitchen a Wall Cabinet"¹ for HomeSteady.com.

Stapling Hardwood Floors for Dummies

Solid hardwood vs. engineered wood

Our staffers have learned, sometimes the hard way, that they really should read a potential DotD nominee in its entirety before passing on it. Lots of these freelancers "front-load" their posts with useful, even "correctish" information, then pad out the other end with utter bushwa. In the case of Jack Ori and his HomeSteady.com post, "The Length of Staples for 3/4-inch Hardwood Floors," that's pretty much the case: some correct (or nearly so) information followed by total crapola.

Stick-On Ceilings for Dummy Redecorators

tin-look ceiling

We spend very little time browsing at the site called Snapguide.com,¹ mostly because it's rather hard to find anything interesting there.² Much of the content seems to be about decorating and fashion, plus a boatload about making stuff from old pallets. Ick. But we did stop by not long ago, at which time we happened across Dave Woods and his 10-step post, "How to Install Faux Tin Ceiling." Although he didn't say so, Dave apparently meant faux tin ceiling tile...

Drop-In Stoves, the Dummies Version

This is a drop-in stove

All the terminology about stoves and ranges – about appliances in general – can be confusing. That's why, when it comes time to replace our appliances the staffers at the Antisocial Network look for help from professionals. If we're going to do any online research, we want to get our info from appliance manufacturers, remodeling pros, and appliances vendors. We definitely don't want information to come from the likes of Naima Manal; not after looking at her dengarden.com post "Replacing a Drop-In Stove with a Slide-In Range." No-siree, Bob!

Caulking Baseboards for Dummies

Caulking baseboard top

Not a day goes by without one of our researchers finding DIY "help" that was obviously written by freelancers who had abso-friggin-lutely no idea what they were talking about. Some of them know so little that they don't even head in the right direction when they do their "research" (such as it is). Today's one such day, and our DotD is one such freelancer: she's Lara Webster, and her HomeSteady.com post is ostensibly about "How to Caulk Tile on the Bottom of Baseboards."¹

Kitchen Faucet Removal for Dummies

What a kitchen sink faucet looks like from underneath

We've noticed over the years that there's a downward trend in the average homeowner's knowledge of what makes a home function. Anyone... well, almost anyone can shovel the walk or change a furnace filter; but some people can't manage to hang a picture or a new curtain rod. Once you get past operating a cordless drill, you lose a lot of people; which is why so many would-be DIYers ask for plumbing help on the internet (never mind electrical work...). With luck, they won't run into "help" from the likes of Jonra Springs, who penned "How to Remove a Kitchen Sink Faucet"¹ at HomeSteady.com.