Maintenance for the Dummy Car Owner

troubleshooting your car

There are plenty of dummies out there who once hoped to cash in big on the crap they were posting at content farms: trust us, we know. Some content farms are... what, more dumbass? than others? while some sites make it easier to find the rubbish their members write. Seekyt.com is a great place to catch dumbasses at work, except that it's slow and horribly indexed. Still, our crack research staff here at the Antisocial Network were able to turn up a few morons for our Seekyt week. We'll start with Nora G. Hart (noraghart, very likely not her real name), seen here attempting to provide automotive maintenance tips in "Warning: Your Car is Trying to Tell You Something."

When Nora's not busy prattling about businesses in Australia, she's busy misinforming her readers. While she doesn't say anything that's dangerously stupid in this content, Hart does manage to combine insultingly basic crap with overly simplistic bullshit. For example, these little gems:

"Engine Light: If the dashboard is only signaling this warning then it is probably okay to keep driving until you can get to a service station.

A diagnostic code: This code appears on your dashboard to warn you that a problem is occurring in the sensor output. With either a scan tool or a manual book, the technician will be able to detect where the problem is occurring."

"Engine light"? Does she mean "check engine light"? If that's the case, no reputable mechanic would ever tell you that it's just peachy keen to keep driving (though millions of ignorant people do just that). Whatever the case, we're almost certain that no vehicle flashes the diagnostic codes on the dashboard. You need a code reader to get the diagnostic code from the engine control unit after the CEL comes on, you dumbass! We were also amused by such bullshit as

"Car won’t start: This is the easiest problem for you to detect yourself. It could be a battery or the cable, which is easy to fix by inspecting them, cleaning the corrosion and tightening the wiring or a bad starter. The starter should spin when voltage is applied to it or take it to a parts store and have it tested." Oh, yeah: all you need to do here is to simply remove the rubber band that's holding the starter onto... what: maybe the muffler?... and then jump on your bicycle and take it to a parts store (most of which don't test starters, anyway – you need a bench test to do that, and they aren't equipped). Yeah: right.

Ahah! finally, we discover why Nora is blathering on about auto repairs – she's shilling for some place called Bob's repair company in Victoria, a type of content we call "advertising disguised as bogus advice." We're not planning on visiting Bob's any time soon, anyway – the truck doesn't have a snorkel... but that doesn't mean Nora isn't a classic Dumbass of the Day

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DD - AUTOMOTIVE