Headers for the Dummy Carpenter

Window Headers

As we've often mentioned, it's not a good idea to take the advice of someone whose only experience with an important task is researching it at somewhere like Wikipedia. Yet millions of people have clicked on links to eHow.com for "how-to" instruction written by the likes of journalism major Shelly Schumacher, who despite being woefully unqualified, still provided instructions such as "How to Make a Header for a Patio Door."¹

We're pretty sure Shelly had no idea that such a thing as a header exists before taking on this assignment and we're not sure she knew afterward what they are. Why else would she say something like, 

"There are no center supports in the long open space of the window or door, between the wall studs, so a header is installed to bear the extra weight and downward force."

Redundant much, Ms. Schumacher? Our Shelly then goes into vast detail (six friggin' steps) about how to cut the 2-by lumber for a header, though she says nothing about how to determine its dimensions. It first becomes clear that she knows jack stud... err, jack about building a header here:

"Repeat steps 2 through 6 [measure, mark and cut] for each board that you will need to make the door header. You will need one to three header boards depending upon the span and the weight load of the header."

Well, no: you need two or three boards in the header depending on the width of the framing (e.g., 2 x 4 or 2 x 6); the "span and weight load" must be taken into account when determining the width of the 2-by lumber used to make the header, dumbass. Schumacher continues to expose her lack of knowledge when it comes to constructing the header:

"Attach the boards together to make the final door header. Start on one end, ensuring the boards are flush on the top and ends. Join the boards together with a hammer and nails, working your way to the opposite end. If you are using more than two boards, turn the header upside down and nail the third board from the top so that your nails will be exposed on both sides of the header, allowing your building inspector to verify that it has been nailed properly." Uh, lady: your header isn't going to be the right thickness without a thinner board in between the 2 x 12s you mention. That's because a 2 x 4 is 3½" wide and 2-by lumber is 1½" thick. Nail two of them together, and you have a header that's 3" thick -- you must make a "sandwich" with blocks or a sheet of ½" plywood between them. Otherwise you won't be able to sheathe the wall, dumbass.

That's about the size of it: Shelly Schumacher, BA in Journalism, giving construction advice means one more Dumbass of the Day award going to the folks at eHow. Quelle surprise. Oh, yeah -- given that she asked her husband how to do this, you might want to hire Nick Schumacher to do your framing, either...

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_5763863_make-header-patio-door.html

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