Phillips Screwdrivers for Dummies

Phillips screw and screwdriver

One of the hallmarks of the dumbass freelancer is the ability to take any formation, no matter how small, and screw up rewriting it. An expert dumbass can take a topic about which he or she knows nothing and make a mess of even the most basic information – especially when writing for site with a minimum word count. Take today's dumbass, eHow's Joan Whetzel (making, according to our count, her eleventh appearance here of more than twenty): it takes real "skill" to foul up an answer to the simple question "How Many Types and Sizes of Phillips Screwdrivers Are There?"

Well, the real answer is fairly simple: there are eight sizes, designated by the numbers 0000 through 4 (smallest to largest), though most people never see anything outside of the range 0 to 2. As for "types," that's woefully ambiguous, though a case can be made for a list that includes stubby, standard, and long.


Nevertheless, Joan quickly gets off on the wrong foot by misinforming her readers that Phillips screwdrivers come with tips of different "shapes":

"The shape of the Phillips screwdriver tip --- flat, oval or round for example --- varies depending on the type of screw it's used with."

Sadly, that's utter bull: the tip of a Phillips screwdriver has only one shape; a modified cross. Phillips-head screws, on the other hand, come in a variety of configurations; including "flat, oval or round."  Misinformation like that is why Whetzel has collected so many DotD awards. But there's more (there's always more with Joan...):

"Six Phillips screwdriver point sizes are available with an arbitrary numbering system. The point sizes correspond to the blade's diameter. Blade diameter and point size must match up with the screw head. Size zero matches up with diameter size zero. Size one goes with 3/16, 3 and 4 blade diameters. Blade diameters 1/4 and 6 to 10 fit the #2 point size. Diameters 5/16, 12 and 13 correspond to the #3 point size. Number 4 point size corresponds with 3/8, 20, 24 and 1/2 body diameters." We haven't the foggiest notion what the hell Joanie means with all that verbiage, although if you think hard (warning: headaches ahead) it just might conflate a list of screw sizes with the typical diameter of the screwdriver shaft. Frankly, we can't be sure, though.

The most damning evidence that Joan is worthy of yet another award is this statement, which can be found in her introduction:

"Prevent damage"? really, Joan?!?

Once the screw is tightened, the tip is designed to slip out to prevent damage to the screw..."

Ouch: Whetzel thinks that "[slipping] out prevents damage to the screw"? Clearly, she's never used a Phillips screwdriver... yet she thought she could "inform" people about them. Small wonder she's amassed such a vast collection of Dumbass of the Day awards!

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