Bicycle Pumps for Dummy Cyclists

Presta valve

Beginning fiction writers are often told to "write what you know," which may be why so many self-published novels are downright boring (not to mention badly written). Of course, making money off of topics about which you know practically nothing is a time-honored practice at content farms and on blogs, a practice that keeps us in business (so to speak) here at the Antisocial Network, if you can call it that: making fun of dumbasses is more a labor of love, actually. So with that in mind, we say "Thanks" to eHow's Rocco Pendola, who we caught holding forth on a topic about which we had no difficulty telling that he knows nothing: "My Bicycle Pump Won't Work"¹ in a Healthfully.com post.

We say he obviously knows nothing because first, he found it necessary to quote the late Sheldon Brown when describing the difference between Schrader and Presta valves (he had to look it up? you're kidding, right?) and second, because of a rather embarrassing  faux pas Rocco (and an incompetent content editor at eHow) left embedded in his (mis)information:

"Flip the switch located near nozzle of your pump to the proper setting, Presta or Schrader, if this feature is available. If not, you might have to unscrew, using a counterclockwise motion, your pump's nozzle. A rubber or plastic fitting might pop out of your pump. The side with the point must face out to fill a Presta tube. The side without the point faces out for a Schrader valve..." The "nozzle"? Really? Too bad you couldn't find a reference that used the correct word: it's "chuck," for future reference. But what makes it clear you know nothing, Rocco, is that you got the "pointy side" bit backwards: a Presta valve must slide into the rubber fitting; but in order to pump air through a Schrader valve, you need the little point facing outward to depress the needle valve. Dumbass.

Rocco continues in this vein: apparently he thinks the only possible reasons that a bicycle pump might not function are that

1. You're trying to use a Presta pump on a Schrader valve or vice versa
2. You don't have the pump attached right. Interestingly enough, he never mentions unscrewing the valve tip on a Presta before attaching the pump. Whatsamatter, Rocco: never seen a Presta valve?
3. Your pump hose is shot (wonder what he thinks might be wrong with a mini or other pump that has no hose...) or it needs a new gauge (ditto about inline gauges).

He says nothing about how a pump works or about rebuilding pumps, nothing about maintenance or lubrication, nothing about cleaning out gunk. Just, "Maybe you're so stupid you don't know the difference between a Presta and a Schrader." Odd that he should try to tell you that, since it's readily apparent that Rocco didn't know there were two valve types before "researching" this question. When we see evidence like that, we know we've just uncovered our latest Dumbass of the Day.

¹ The original has been deleted by Leaf Group, but can still be accessed using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   ehow.com/how_6852944_bicycle-pump-won_t-work.html

copyright © 2015-2021 scmrak

DD - BICYCLES