Volcanoes for Dummies

Volcano

It's been more than six months since the Antisocial Network hosted tectonics week, and we're happy to announce that our staff geologist has returned from the "spa" where he'd been "vacationing." It took quite a while for him to recover from the effects of the avalanche of idiocy he uncovered during his research, but he's tells us he's ready to get back in the saddle again: what a brave guy, eh? So without further ado, let's see what utter bull Suite.io's Angela Schnaubelt scribbled down to "inform" her readers about "Understanding Mountains and Volcanoes."¹ Let's hope the poor guy survives this new shock...

Angela's cutline for her Suite article reads as follows...

"Plate tectonics account for the formation of most of the globe's active volcanoes, as well as the formation of many mountain ranges."

...so right off the bat, we're expecting her to inform us which of the globe's active volcanoes and mountain ranges aren't a result of plate tectonics. Well, our geologist says that maybe there's a little mountain range somewhere that's a result of an asteroid strike, but Schnaubelt's not sharing any details, so who knows? Whatever... let's read on and see what else the lady (a self-described "gifted generalist" and online media marketing "coach") has to tell us.

"When two oceanic tectonic plates converge, one is subducted or pulled under, the other. This convergent activity allows for magma from the earth's core to erupt at the point of contact. " "Pulled" under? Nope. And magma doesn't erupt from the earth's "core," either. Last but not least, Angela's geometry teacher (if she ever had one) would be ashamed of her for thinking that two tectonic plates can have a "point of contact" -- it's a line, dummy! Reading on, we find additional Angela misinformation... "The Himalayas formed because two continental plates, the Indian plate and the Eurasian plate, are crashing into each other. The mountain range is still growing because the speed of the tectonic movement is faster than the rate of weathering. Mount Everest, the tallest mountain on earth, is found in the Himalayas."

Given that the rate of convergence of the Indo-Australian plate (note the correct name) and the Eurasian plate is on the order of centimeters per year, "crashing" is somewhat of an overstatement. It's science, Angela, you don't get to use poetic license. More to the point, though, "speed of tectonic movement" doesn't mean jack. The word you're looking for in this context is "uplift": say it three times, Angela. "Uplift, uplift, uplift!"

To close, we should probably point out that Mt. Everest isn't "the tallest mountain on earth": that's a common misconception because its peak has the world's highest elevation above sea level. However, the tallest mountain on earth, measured from base to peak, is Mauna Kea in the Hawaiian Islands -- more than 3500 feet taller than Everest. Sorry, Angela: as far as the Antisocial Network is concerned, "gifted generalist" you ain't -- Dumbass of the Day you is. 

¹ This website is so defunct that the Wayback machine at archive.org didn't capture the post. It has, however, been plagiarized in its entirety at  https://exam-prep.livejournal.com/27491.html

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SI - VOLCANOES