Conspiracies: an Obsession for Dummies

Map of Bermuda "triangle"

Of all the dummies on the planet, we're pretty sure the dumbest of them are the conspiracy theorists – the tinfoil-hat types, the black-helicopter spotters, the fake-moon-landing folk. No fact too damning to their theory can survive their peculiar, circular logic; and no tangentially related factoid is too trivial to be woven into their narrative of "truth." With that in mind, take a look at "The Science Behind the Bermuda Triangle" as presented by zig25 (Paul? Paula?) on InfoBarrel.com.¹ Bear in mind, of course, that this is a freelancer who has also turned his/her finely-honed intellect on topics such as Jack the Ripper, the Biblical flood, the Hope diamond, crop circles, the "truth" of the Kennedy assassination, the "truth" of Tupac Shakur's death, Atlantis, the Loch Ness monster and others... all in prose badly in need of a grammar-checker.

Zig pulls most of the (mis)information in the article from a source s/he calls "Bermuda Triangle online," though s/he fails to cite a reference, or even provide a link. But here are some of the more outrageous claims good ol' Zig makes:

• "The Gulf Stream play’s [sic] an important part of the Bermuda Triangle as well. 
• “The Gulf Stream is extremely swift and turbulent waters and can quickly erase any evidence of a disaster” (“Frequently Asked Questions” online)." 

Errrm, the Gulf Stream's "swift" waters flow at an average rate of four miles per hour, about the speed of a hyperactive toddler. Paul(a) continues:

"Dr Joanne Simpson said: 'These small hybrid type storm systems arise very quickly, especially over the Gulf Stream. They are several miles in diameter, last a few minutes or a few seconds and then vanish, but stir up giant waves and you have chaotic seas coming from all directions. These storms can be devastating.'"

Fascinating... though Simpson's comments, in a 1973 issue of Cosmopolitan, might be rather... dated... by 2015. And there is, of course, more:

"Ultimately, the rainfall has a lot of added pressure on the captains sailing thought the Bermuda Triangle. 'The humid subtropical climate of the region brings with it heavy rainfall and high temperatures. An annual rainfall in excess of sixty inches can be expected'..."

Well, whoopee: Honolulu's average rainfall is about 87 inches, New Orleans comes in at 64 inches, and Mobile sees 66 -- we've never heard of the "Honolulu Triangle" or the "Mobile Triangle," have you? And there is even more: "The Bermuda Triangle holds the most outrageous trenches in the Atlantic Ocean. Off the coast of Florida it’s only fifty feet deep and is perfect for scuba diving. If you go out only a few miles, you’ll drop off the Atlantic continental shelf, where the water depths reach  as low as 12,000 feet" Though nominally true – there is a Puerto Rico Trench where Zig says it is and the bottom is about 12,000 feet below sea level, it's a stretch to claim that the Bermuda Triangle "holds" it, since Puerto Rico forms one corner of the famous shape. And finally, Zig displays his expertise in speaking of the infamous Flight 19:

"I believe that Methane gas took over the plane, and took it down... Methane hydrates can affect planes and ships. 'there [sic] are vast fields of methane hydrates on the continental shelves' ('Bermuda Triangle' online)... 

Methane are [sic] gas bubbles erupting making the water dense, no longer allowing buoyancy for the ships to stay a float [sic] (online). If a ship was to form sail around an area of methane gas, the whole ship could go down in a flash without leaving a trace... Methane gas can sink a plane as well. 'Less dense air causes planes to lose lift (online)." 

We're confused: how can methane bubbles "[make] the water dense" while also creating "less dense air"? That's not to mention that this putative methane bubble would have to be large enough to envelop a 100-foot long ship and extensive enough that a plane would be flying through it for long enough to lose altitude, follow its complete glide path, and crash.
For a failure to understand basic meteorology, physics, chemistry, geography, oceanography, and just about every other -ology on the face of the earth, conspiracy theorist zig25 is the glorious recipient of today's Dumbass of the Day. 

¹ InfoBarrel has deleted all user-generated content and become a "green" website, but this post can still be reead by using the Wayback machine at archive.org. Its URL was   infobarrel.com/The_Science_Behind_the_Bermuda_Triangle

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