Changing Mower Tires for Dummies

Removing tire from wheel with tire irons

The word for the day is "avoidance." The Antisocial Network's staff Labrador retriever is expert at this maneuver: put a treat in front of her, tell her to "leave it," and she'll look everywhere but at her treat. Tell her to take it and it's gone in an instant. With apologies to bumper-sticker writers everywhere, it's pretty clear that "Our Labrador retriever is smarter than your freelancer"! That's especially likely if the our freelancer happens to be eHow.com contributor Owen E. Richason IV, back for the second time this week alone. We caught Owen demonstrating avoidance in a post he called  (or perhaps more accurately, eHow called) "How to Change a Simplicity Mower Tire," now at GardenGuides.com.

We firmly believe that any content that starts by defining the terminology is very likely bogus (it's at least poorly researched), but we're going to break our own rule this time by defining the word "tire," since that word is key to Richason IV's dumbassery. According to a well-known online dictionary, a tire is 

"...a ring or band of rubber, either solid or hollow and inflated, or of metal, placed over the rim of a wheel..."

Seems pretty straightforward, at least to us, that to "change a tire" would mean to remove this rubber ring from the wheel and put on a new one. Owen seems to allude to this meaning in his introduction when he says,

"Although they're durable, the tires do eventually wear out, especially those on the manufacturer's riding mowers. If you have to change the tires on a Simplicity riding mower, you can do so yourself in less than an hour." 

That's after informing you where Simplicity corporate HQ is located... (Wisconsin, if you think the information's all that important -- we don't). He then goes on to expound on just how you would spend your alleged hour or so. According to Richason, to change a front tire you must Chock the wheels  Raise the mower with a jack Pry off the grease cap Undo the collar bolt "Remove the wheel collar and pull the front tire off the Simplicity mower" "Put the new front tire on. Replace the wheel collar and hex bolt. Put the grease cap back on and lower the jack. Remove the chocks from the rear tire"

No duh. He repeats a modified version of these same instructions for the rear tire because the wheel mounting configuration is supposedly different. (we'll take his word for that). For that wheel, the fifth instruction is

"Put the new rear tire on the Simplicity mower and fasten the mounting bolts with a socket wrench. Replace the cotter pin, then lower the mower to the ground. Remove the jack and tire chocks."

Did you notice the avoidance there? Sure you did: this dummy spent five minutes researching and rewording "how to remove a wheel" on a Simplicity mower, while completely avoiding the hard part – how to change the friggin' tire! We think – and we suspect you do too – that "change a tire" means to take the rubber thingy off the metal wheel and put on a new one, since the wheel is perfectly OK but the rubber has worn out. Right?
Apparently Richason thinks the tires change themselves magically, but they don't. You need a well-equipped workshop or, better yet, a tire shop to change one of those tires. What a dumbass; a Dumbass of the Day indeed!

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DDIY - TIRES